We have the greatest team in the (alternate) universe working night and day to get you the news that you so desperately need. Get to know some of our people below. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you think you’d be good at doing whatever it is we do too – we’re always on the lookout for more team members to exploit. Submit your application now.
Warren Dusenberry
Founder
Warren is a skilled taxidermist and has over 10 years of experience designing farmhouse lofts. He got his start in writing in the early 1950s, and never quite figured it out. Catch him in his spare time going through other people’s mail and fertilizing his expansive vegetable garden.
Cameron Frye
Editor
Writer by day and tug boat first mate by night, Cameron got his start teaching geriatric aerobics in Pascagoola, Mississippi. He is currently applying to be a moderator for r/mildlyinfuriating. Cameron dreams of taking his gerbil, Marvin, to every continent.
Lisa Simpson
Editor
In Lisa’s past life, she was an earthworm. However, a lifetime of good worm karma earned her the honor of reincarnation into a journalist for the Alternate Universe, the most trusted and socially important news source in Utah Valley. When she isn’t wielding her pen as a sword against hypocrisy and injustice, she enjoys evading taxes, littering, and filling her water cup with sprite.
Sue Sylvester
Editor
Sue “Rodham” Sylvester was previously judge, jury, and executioner of McKinley High School before becoming Vice President of the United States. And when that failed, she followed her true passion of bullying and tantric yelling as a writer. In her spare time, Sue enjoys poking the elderly with pins.
Renesmee Cullen
Writer, Photographer, Lifestyle Blogger
Ever since coming of age at age 7, Renesmee has been delightfully working at the Alternate Universe. In her spare time, she enjoys long walks on the beach with Jacob, which is not weird at all. After graduation, Renesmee plans to get a PhD in estheticianing and an MD in plastic surgery with plans of spreading her striking looks.
Bobby Zimmeruski
Writer
Actor, philanthropist, and cultural phenomenon, Bobby Zimmeruski is best known for his supporting role in the 126-time Academy nominated film, “ The Goofy Movie”. After his successful acting career, he decided to take his talents to Provo, Utah to relive his college experience in a more subdued environment out of the spotlight. He can be seen wandering around campus and building leaning towers of Cheese-a in the Wilkerson Center Cafeteria.
Sister Michael
Writer
After experiencing BYU housing, Sister Michael decided to become a nun and principal for the free accommodations. Sister Michael’s favorite activities include her weekly Judo class, judging people from her office, and collecting religious statues. One day she even hopes to acquire the Brigham Young statue.
“Macho Man” Randy Savage
Writer
Randy Savage, otherwise known as Macho Man, fell into a deep depression after winning the WWF Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship. He finally found solace not in the ring, nor in the ropes which surround it, but in the pen and paper. With the Alternate Universe, he has finally found a venue where he can truly express himself through writing.
George Beard
Writer
George Beard has a tie and a flat-top. He’s currently a fourth grader at Jerome Horwitz Elementary School, where he got his start making comics with his best friend Harold Hutchins. Together they have co-authored award winning banned books including Captain Underpants, Dog Man, and The Adventures of Ook and Gluk, Kung Fu Cavemen from the Future.
When not saving the world, George enjoys munching peanut butter and gummy-worm sandwiches, skateboarding, and switching letters around on signs.
Kayteigh Leigh
Writer
Kayteigh strives to walk the balance between not being like other girls and being like the other girls. You can find her going on hot girl walks, agonizing over her outfits, and wondering why nobody likes her.
Cody Maverick
Writer
Paul Atreides
Writer
Paul was abruptly uprooted from his coastal home by his dad’s reassignment to the middle of nowhere. He copes with the desert surroundings of the Wasatch front by serving as an intrepid reporter for the Alternate Universe. In his spare time, Paul likes to play with worms, enjoy spicy foods, and be the center of attention.
Barbie
Writer
In Memoriam
Liz Lemon
Editor (Deceased)
Liz Lemon spent her days selling seashells by the seashore and her nights playing bass for the prestigious Fleetwood Mac cover band, Fleetwood Mac & Cheese. She believed news writing to be one of the many menial tasks necessary for the well-being of the human race. She no longer resides in Compton, CA with several of her pet rocks.
Donald Cherry
Editor (Deceased)
We will be eternally waiting for Donald to submit his bio. We will forever have no idea who he was.
Art Vandelay
Author + Photoshop Genius + (Deceased)
We will be eternally waiting for Art to submit his bio. We will forever have no idea who he was.
Dr. Johnny Swift
Author (Deceased)
Chase Everhart
Author (Deceased)
We will be eternally waiting for Chase to submit his bio. We will forever have no idea who he was.
Hugh Wei
Author (Deceased)
Hugh Wei had recently gotten out of prison after only twenty years of a life sentence because he was deemed “a danger to the other inmates.” He was eager to write for a prestigious national news source again.
Jane Lane
Author (Deceased)
We will be eternally waiting for Jane to submit her bio. We will forever have no idea who she was.
Titus Wilkerson
Author (Deceased)
We will be eternally waiting for Titus to submit his bio. We will forever have no idea who he was.
John Dorian
Author (Deceased)
We will be eternally waiting for John to submit his bio. We will forever have no idea who he was.
Saskiaswisher
Author (Deceased)
We will be eternally waiting for Saskiaswisher to submit her bio. We will forever have no idea who she was.
Inigo Montoya
Writer (Presumed dead)
Inigo Montaya was a seasoned congressional lobbyist for the balloon industry. When he was not convincing Congress to deregulate rubber production, he spent hours doing yoga. Unfortunately, he was unsuccessful in lobbying his employer for a day off to actually take yoga classes. It was rumored that if you walked past his apartment, you could see him doing downward dog for hours on end.
Nance
Writer (lost in the line of duty)
Nance was a proud B and B host and aspiring vegetarian. Encouraged by her 17 YouTube subscribers, she took up writing to share her unsolicited opinions with a larger audience. When not writing for the Alternate Universe, she enjoyed performing at her local haiku society and corresponding with her pen pal in Uruguay.
Mark Grayson
Writer (got too into undercover journalism and forgot his real identity)
The only time Mark ever felt anything was when feeling returned to his legs after sitting down too long. You could catch him on the subway or hopelessly trying to win the affection of his neighbor’s cat. He remained reserved about his love for K-Pop and his irrational fear of mustaches.
Albert Camus
Editor (Deceased)
Albert Camus was a spoon collector who spent his free time daydreaming about the U.S. high-speed railway system. He believed that the purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself. People laughed when he said a joke at a party one time, and he’s still chasing that high beyond the grave.
Carmen Sandiego
Writer (Deceased)
Despite popular belief, Carmen Sandiego was not that Carmen Sandiego and never committed any crimes or stole anything ever in her life. Carmen spent her time doing completely normal, innocent things, like making sandwiches or doing cross stitch with her seven pet ferrets.
Interested in Joining?
If you think you have what it takes to be part of a team, you might be right. But you could be wrong. There is only one way to find out.