Author: Renesmee
Ever since coming of age at age 7, Renesmee has been delightfully working at the Alternate Universe. She is from Highland, Utah, and she enjoys dancing, singing, hiking, reading, and blood. Renesmee is majoring in Computer Science with a minor in French because her name is supposedly French. In her spare time, she enjoys long walks on the beach with Jacob, which is not weird at all.
Here's a video of her from a few years ago: https://youtu.be/UyuIcE7P6_A After graduation, Renesmee plans to get a PhD in estheticianing and an MD in plastic surgery. Want to steal her look? She will open a practice in Los Angeles. Renesmee is a mother of four dogs and one goldfish, all named Ethyl.
Influencer Moms Follow Adult Children to College
Their lives are perfect. Well, except for one thing – their families no longer seem complete without their college kids. For many influencer mothers, the absence of a child means the absence of followers, mainly by people who are the child’s age. In order to sell their brand, they must also sell their children’s lives. The solution? Follow kids to college. Truxstersen Orton, from Sun … Continue reading Influencer Moms Follow Adult Children to College
Vampires Vant Your Plasma
You may have seen the new plasma ad campaign. At a first glance, the promise of $1500 for your first donation seems like a great gig. Be warned, however, of who or what you are donating to. Surely this is a mistake, you may ask. Aren’t they going to use this plasma to save lives? This is another part of the elaborate scam, having someone … Continue reading Vampires Vant Your Plasma
BYUtv Announces New Show Lineup
You may remember Studio C and Dwight in Shining Armor, but these shows have been canceled for being “too immature”. In their place, there will be new shows catered to the modern BYU student. “We realized that many students find no interest in watching BYUtv, so we shifted our target audience from sheltered bubble people to the type of freshmen you see on BYU Barstool,” … Continue reading BYUtv Announces New Show Lineup
How to Avoid a NCMO
A certain disease is plaguing our campus. What is it, you say? The NCMO. Our youth (who are somehow of adult age) are at a terrible risk of getting NCMOed. Here is the complete, comprehensive guide to avoiding the dreaded NCMO. #1 Talk solely about your mission, especially if your date didn’t serve one. #2 Wear Trump merch and play rap music. Or wear Bernie … Continue reading How to Avoid a NCMO