When Cashton Knight attempted to take his accounting 200 exam on the sabbath, allegedly to, “get it out of the way” the new Sunday safety protocol kicked in, shutting down his computer, failing him automatically, and calling his grandmother to report his transgression.  Knight was allegedly “shocked” and thinks that the safety protocol is “a bit of an overreaction.” he added that it was “unfair” … Continue reading Horrible, Sinful BYU Student Attempts to take Exam on Sunday—Is Thwarted by new BYU Safety Protocol

It’s official, BYU’s Kimball Tower has at long last earned its place as the eighth Wonder of the World. Over the weekend, President Worthen met with the United Nations to finalize the paperwork. The tower is joining the ranks of renowned monuments like the Taj Mahal, The Colosseum, and the Great Pyramids at Gizeh.  “We feel the tower has always stood as an icon of … Continue reading Kimball Tower Officially Named Eighth Wonder of the World

It has been four days since Easter Sunday and President Kevin J. Worthen has reported, with sadness, that the Easter eggs he hid have still not been found. “I understand it’s a stressful time being the end of the semester and all, but I expected at least a few students to participate in the festivities,” commented the disappointed President Worthen. Worthen reportedly filled a “solid … Continue reading Poor, Poor Kevin: No One Looked for President Worthen’s Easter Eggs

At long last, BYU is allowing clubs to meet in person again. This announcement has been music to the ears of many student-led organizations, with Cosplay Club more excited than all clubs combined. However, due to COVID restrictions such as mask-wearing still being enforced, some clubs are realizing that now is still not their time.  BYU Mustache Brotherhood is one such club. Started in 2017, … Continue reading BYU Allows In-Person Club Meetings Again, Masks Make “Mustache Brotherhood” Meetings More Awkward than Ever

  On Thursday last week, we heard rumors of a newspaper contest coming to Provo.  Determined to beat the Daily Universe, we entered.  Guess what!  We won!  In your face, Daily Universe! While we were waiting for the results, we interviewed several bright, intelligent students.   “I only go to the Alternate Universe for my news,” says Cheryl Smith.   “Daily Universe who?  I only see Alternate … Continue reading BYU’s Alternate Universe Wins Award for Best Provo Newspaper