Category: Featured

Featured, News

‘The Book of Mormon’ Musical to Update Production Due to Rapid Increase of Sister Missionaries

As the Tony-winning “The Book of Mormon’ musical passes its fifteenth anniversary, the creators of the show have announced updates to modernize it after being forced to reckon with the reality of women existing. “We saw that 70% of the missionaries going out are now women, so we saw the need to update our musical so that we can be more accurate in being offensive.” … Continue reading ‘The Book of Mormon’ Musical to Update Production Due to Rapid Increase of Sister Missionaries

Montresor3 Comments
Dear Alternate Universe, Featured

Dear Alternate Universe: What should I do if I’m gay and have to set foot on BYU?

Dear Follower, Take up the gay man’s burden. You are Prometheus bestowing fire upon humanity. You are the liberator of the prisoners who know only shadows on the cavern wall. You are bringing gay to a world almost entirely unfamiliar with it. That said, you’re not as alone as you might think. You’re joining the ranks of world-famous queer icons like Cosma the Bisexual Cougar, … Continue reading Dear Alternate Universe: What should I do if I’m gay and have to set foot on BYU?

Don CheadleLeave a comment
Featured, News

Utah County Offers Bounty Money For Helping to Bring Down Invasive Population of FSY Kids

As temperatures rise, Utah County officials are preparing measures to control the invasive populations of FSY Kids that will soon erupt at the two universities in the county. “It just destroys the local food chain, the native college students find it extremely difficult to find uncrowded feeding areas,” says local expert Tracy Mulholland. Locals expressed excitement over the potential of easy money. Utah County is … Continue reading Utah County Offers Bounty Money For Helping to Bring Down Invasive Population of FSY Kids

MontresorLeave a comment
Featured

Gym Bro Eats Girlfriend to Hit Protein Goal

Local man Jakob Kurtis was sick of eating chicken and rice every day just to have mid physique. Knowing that real change comes from hard work, and often great sacrifice, Jakob consumed 2,698 grams of lean protein by eating his girlfriend, Kayleigh. Jakob stated: “Kayleigh was great as a person, but she’s even better as a complete protein source. I’m honestly surprised more people aren’t … Continue reading Gym Bro Eats Girlfriend to Hit Protein Goal

Marceline Abadeer1 Comment
Featured, News, Sports

HE’S COMING HOME: AJ Dybantsa Returns To BYU As Finance TA

In a shocking turn of events, AJ Dybantsa has forgone the NBA draft in favor of returning to BYU as a finance TA. Dybantsa posted the following on LinkedIn this morning: “My time at BYU is not done. NBA contracts might seem appealing, but I could make that money in a single summer selling pest control.” While many NBA fans mourn the decision, summer sales … Continue reading HE’S COMING HOME: AJ Dybantsa Returns To BYU As Finance TA

Frank Heffley1 Comment