Category: Provo

Life, Provo

Uh-Oh! You Just Caught Your Elders Quorum President in the Caffeine Cave

There you were, reaching for a bottle of Sprite Zero Sugar for FHE, and there he was, reaching for a Pipeline Punch Monster like a Brontosaurus reaching for an unholy leaf. It was shocking, unsettling, and altogether testimony-shaking. You said a quick prayer before confronting him. “Oh, I thought that caffeine announcement was an April Fool’s joke,” he replied. A pitiful excuse. You wrestled with … Continue reading Uh-Oh! You Just Caught Your Elders Quorum President in the Caffeine Cave

Kim PossibleLeave a comment
Featured, Life, News, Provo

BYU Students Accused Of Cultural Appropriation By Oompa Loompa Community For Spray Tans

In the wake of the recent slew of marriage announcements and monthly recaps being posted to instagram, the Oompa Loompa community has voiced concern over BYU students’ overbearing use of artificial tanning.  Oompa Loompa political figure and influencer Hugh Grant recently took to social media with the following statement:  “My culture is not your costume.” The comment shocked BYU students and faculty and has left … Continue reading BYU Students Accused Of Cultural Appropriation By Oompa Loompa Community For Spray Tans

Frank HeffleyLeave a comment
Campus, Featured, Life, News, Provo

In Stunning Display of Creativity, Every Band Featured in Battle of the Bands Sort of Sounds Like Imagine Dragons

Provo, Utah, noted for being birthplace to the famous bands Imagine Dragons and Neon Trees, leaves many up-and-coming bands dreaming of what may be following BYUSA’s Battle of the Bands. That legacy has greatly shaped the Provo music scene as we at the Alternate Universe look ahead to tonight’s Battle of the Bands. In a three-hour performance, concertgoers will be able to hear a wide … Continue reading In Stunning Display of Creativity, Every Band Featured in Battle of the Bands Sort of Sounds Like Imagine Dragons

Chuck BartowskiLeave a comment
Featured, Life, Provo

Top 10 Questions to Ask on a First Date

If you want to secure a Valentine before next week, try using these questions to have the best date of your life. Each one is scientifically proven to help you better understand your date and make them fall in love with you. Top 10 Questions for Girls to ask Guys: Are you a man or a muppet? Thoughts on slavery? Good, bad, still on the … Continue reading Top 10 Questions to Ask on a First Date

Swedish Chef
Featured, News, Provo

BYU Student Left Confused After Showing Up to Soaking Party with Water Gun

Local BYU student, Bradaen Lewis, was left confused and traumatized after arriving at a soaking party that he had been invited to unprepared. Naively, he had thought that his trusty Super Soaker™ water gun would be perfect for this February water fight. Little did he know, there was more than one kind of soaking. “I think I’m gonna puke,” stated Lewis. Another participant who wished … Continue reading BYU Student Left Confused After Showing Up to Soaking Party with Water Gun

Montresor