Category: Provo

Featured, News, Provo

BYU Student Left Confused After Showing Up to Soaking Party with Water Gun

Local BYU student, Bradaen Lewis, was left confused and traumatized after arriving at a soaking party that he had been invited to unprepared. Naively, he had thought that his trusty Super Soaker™ water gun would be perfect for this February water fight. Little did he know, there was more than one kind of soaking. “I think I’m gonna puke,” stated Lewis. Another participant who wished … Continue reading BYU Student Left Confused After Showing Up to Soaking Party with Water Gun

Montresor
Featured, Provo, Sports

Revealed: BYU Hockey Team Was Axed Due to Prophetic Vision of “Heated Rivalry”

After five long years of fans wondering why their beloved team was canceled, the BYU administration finally revealed their reasoning for discontinuing the school’s long running hockey team.   Administration released a rambling statement, citing concerns over thirst trap edits being made of the players as one of their prime reasons.   “We couldn’t let the fujoshis come and ogle our hockey players like that.” … Continue reading Revealed: BYU Hockey Team Was Axed Due to Prophetic Vision of “Heated Rivalry”

Montresor
Life, Provo

Sales Bro Suspected of AI Usage by Mutual Date After Considerate Follow-Up Text

With the rise of generative text AI models such as ChatGPT and Grok, it has become more and more difficult to discern whether writing has been composed by a human or a machine. In a recent scandal, Provo Sales Bro Brandon Baker has been suspected of blatant AI usage after sending unusually thoughtful and composed messages to Maddy Nielsen, his recent Mutual date. “We had … Continue reading Sales Bro Suspected of AI Usage by Mutual Date After Considerate Follow-Up Text

Chuck Bartowski
Featured, News, Provo

Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism

While racism on BYU campus itself has never been an issue, the Creamery has taken it upon itself to eradicate the very concept entirely, finally fulfilling the 63-year-old dream of Martin Luther King Jr. “The seamless blend of colors on a gradient from black to white is a lactic representation of the flawless integration we have here on our campus. This ice cream is our … Continue reading Creamery Announces New MiLK Chocolate & Vanilla Dream Flavor, Ends Racism

Don Cheadle
Featured, Life, Provo

Shocking! Boy Who’s Actively Pursuing You Says He’s “Not Ready for a Relationship.”

Rumors say that he’s already on Mutual again, looking for his next victim. As the days get shorter and colder, cuffing season seems to be in full swing. But not everyone is succeeding in getting into a relationship. Take, Lacey Lowder, a BYU Junior, who recently fell victim to the hope that a boy would actually commit to her.   After several weeks of actively … Continue reading Shocking! Boy Who’s Actively Pursuing You Says He’s “Not Ready for a Relationship.”

Swedish Chef