Author: Kim Possible

Life, Provo

Uh-Oh! You Just Caught Your Elders Quorum President in the Caffeine Cave

There you were, reaching for a bottle of Sprite Zero Sugar for FHE, and there he was, reaching for a Pipeline Punch Monster like a Brontosaurus reaching for an unholy leaf. It was shocking, unsettling, and altogether testimony-shaking. You said a quick prayer before confronting him. “Oh, I thought that caffeine announcement was an April Fool’s joke,” he replied. A pitiful excuse. You wrestled with … Continue reading Uh-Oh! You Just Caught Your Elders Quorum President in the Caffeine Cave

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Dating, News

BYU to Build Brand New “Slut Asylum”

The rumors are true: BYU will be turning the Kimball basement into a slut asylum for all the impassioned boys and girls on campus. As journalists, we have made it our duty to answer your most pressing questions. How does one get into the Slut Asylum? -Kiss more than 3 people in your ward -Make out with someone for longer than 1 hour -Watch one … Continue reading BYU to Build Brand New “Slut Asylum”

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Church, Featured

Better Than You: This Guy Said “Ahmen” Instead of “Amen”

Hang up your ties and put down your scriptures because, ladies and gentlemen, you will never be as good as him. Best just put your dreams of celestial glory on the shelf :/ We know the gospel is all about second chances but YEESH. You’d have a lot to catch up on to beat this guy, and that’s just way too much work. Best keep … Continue reading Better Than You: This Guy Said “Ahmen” Instead of “Amen”

Kim PossibleLeave a comment
Dating, Featured, Life

Man Claims He is Off the Market Purely by Choice

In this society, a man only has one choice: marry an 18-year-old girl during his first semester back from the mission, or join the manosphere. The choice is brutal, but the world is a dark place. No one knows this better than Benson Eubranks. When asked how he decided to take himself off the market, Eubranks replied, “To stay in a power position, I’ve decided … Continue reading Man Claims He is Off the Market Purely by Choice

Kim Possible