In honor of our boy Russ turning 100, we compiled a list of 100 unbelievable, but completely true, facts from his super long life.
- Originally pitched the Wendy’s 4-for-4
- Baked the original five loaves and caught the two fish
- Invented the Cool S
- Graduated from BYU med school
- Memorized every digit of pi
- Beat the Liberty Bell Challenge at Brooker’s
- Negotiated the Treaty of Versailles
- Invented Canada
- Starts every day with the One Chip Challenge
- Was the delivering doctor at your birth
- Submits your name in for Time’s Person of the Year award every year
- Planted the seed that would grow to be the Tree of Life
- Beat Muhammad Ali in a cage fight
- Saved orphanage of burning puppies
- Maintains order of the space time continuum
- Managed the 1927 Yankees
- Can play “Through the Fire and Flames” on expert
- Knows Victoria’s secret
- Knows who let the dogs out
- Knows Obama’s last name
- Has his own line of pocket squares
- Is lactose tolerant
- Can do a really good Shrek roar
- Was the deciding vote when renaming the Washington Commanders
- Tried to warn Oppenheimer
- Has IRL plot armor
- Found the One Piece
- Has outlived multiple pet parrots
- Sliced bread
- Wrote the Cowbell Sketch
- He can whistle!
- Has a fish tank with seven beta fish
- Found $1M bill on the ground in 1977 and turned it in to his local police station
- Can’t stop watching Inside Out 2
- Ghostwrote the Declaration of Independence
- Can solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded
- Shaves with sheer willpower
- Was able to leave the Hotel California
- Defeated the IHOP all-you-can-eat-pancake breakfast
- Survived the sinking of the Titanic
- Subsidizes Costco to keep the hot dog combo at $1.50
- Favorite show is Full House
- Beat the devil in a fiddle competition
- Has traveled to over 1 planets
- Has figured out 17 of the 23 flavors in Dr. Pepper
- Is recognized as nobility in Kiribati
- The game Operation was based on his life
- Has omega rizz
- His cologne is scented with the Tree of Life
- Built his own gaming PC
- Votes every year
- Beat Cosmo in a Brazilian jiu-jitsu match
- Loves naan
- Hates flan
- Voiced every character in Shrek 2
- Knows how Maz Kanata got Luke’s lightsaber
- Hiked Mt. Everest walking backwards
- Owns Lightning McQueen Crocs
- Wrote the JG Wentworth jingle
- Invented mogul skiing
- Sang us a song (he’s the piano man)
- Invented the drink koozie.
- Flyer than a G6
- Opened for Switchfoot in 2005
- The only known rabies patient to have mind-over-mattered the disease away
- Puts pickles on every sandwich
- Ran a therapeutic horse ranch for underprivileged horses
- Opened up the first all-inclusive resort
- He has never used his phone while driving–not even to change the song on Spotify
- Invented the curveball
- Flosses
- Has never left the toilet seat up
- Wrote the guitar solo to Freebird
- Can bench 495
- Misses his Blackberry
- Wrote the Bible
- Favorite car is a Subaru Baja
- Discovered the lost city of Atlantis
- Designed the new Mississippi state flag
- Keeps the demons from snatching your feet when the blanket doesn’t cover them
- Lab partners with Betty White in college
- Favorite Avenger is Ant-Man
- Took over for Santa on Christmas 1964
- Knows KFC’s secret recipe, but has never told
- Has never messed up the sacrament prayer
- Was born with a heart three sizes too big
- Once 360-no-scoped for an entire round
- Learned to speak ASL with his toes
- Invented the cheesy gordita crunch
- Has figured out where all the cities named in the Book of Mormon are
- Crossed the plains with Brigham Young
- Designed the first Converse shoe
- Invented sideways psychology
- 3-time Olympic gold medalist in trampoline
- Collects throw pillows
- Can name every single Real Housewife
- Beat the Three Nephites in arm wrestling
- Can recite the entirety of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
- Is too old for Lego sets now
- Writes for the Alternate Universe