Weather experts and politicians have been warning Utahns about the nearly 200% snowpack this year. Emergency preparation has already begun for the soon-to-come street floods. However, it turns out that water isn’t the only thing coming out of the melting snow. Thanks to one brave hiker on the Y Mountain, we now know of the location of the Golden Plates. Barry McBussentyre claims he was … Continue reading Golden Plates Found In Melting Utah Snowpack
Gratitude, spending time with family, and eating an obscene amount of food are all irreplaceable Thanksgiving traditions. This year, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and the First Presidency decided to add to this list of traditions with the All-American tradition of the turkey bowl. President Russell M. Nelson served as the referee for this exciting event. The first team, “Homies in Christ”—made up of … Continue reading Quorum of the Twelve and First Presidency Compete in a Turkey Bowl
Fresh off the 190th Annual General Conference, an anonymous source from Church Headquarters reports the First Presidency is reevaluating the official age of accountability. The alleged discussion comes directly after President Nelson acknowledged his great-grandson’s knack of swallowing magnets, which almost landed him in the hospital last weekend. For years, doctors have warned parents that when ingested, magnets can clasp together and cause severe internal … Continue reading President Nelson Reconsiders Age of Accountability After Great-Grandson, Age 9, Swallows Magnets For Fun
At the conclusion of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints’ semi-annual General Conference, many of the general authorities departed with sadness in their hearts, knowing that this would be the last time they would see each other in person for the next six months. The words of “God Be with You Till We Meet Again” rang truer for President Nelson than anyone … Continue reading President Nelson Can’t See His Friends Because Of You
An anonymous source from Church Headquarters Salt Lake City reports that President Nelson is in talks with the leader of the California Gulls.
These meetings are in response to multiple reports about murder hornets invading the United States. The hornets are known to decapitate bees and destroy entire colonies. The source from Church Headquarters says that President Nelson is particularly concerned about what the invasive hornets could do in “The Beehive State”. Continue reading President Nelson Hopes To Deploy Flocks of Seagulls to Defend Beehive State Against Murder Hornets
