After the field lights turned off and the roars of the crowd had subsided, BYU had more than just an incredible opening win to worry about. While the Cougs reveled in their thrashing against the Portland Vikings, the Honor Code Office immediately began addressing the issue of BYU’s final score: 69.

As a church affiliated institution, BYU takes pride in its high standards of moral conduct, so it was obviously troubling when the game ended on a less than holy score count.

Brigham Miller from the student section commented, “Cougar first-down was taking on a whole new meaning for me and I didn’t like it.”

Luckily, the Honor Code office was ready to steer students back to virtue. Representative Justus Goodly said, “We thought it would be best to help our students stay holy by letting them rejoice in a more righteous number.”

Thus, the final score has been adjusted to 70-0 in BYU’s favor. While this may be upsetting to Portland fans, it doesn’t change the fact that they got absolutely demolished.

When asked about his opinions on the final score, all Coach Kalani Sitake had to say was “Hehe. Nice.”