For Halloween this year, the BYU Student Connection and Leadership Center are putting on a spooky bash in the JFSB quad. Here’s what you can surely expect.

 

• The event will begin with prayer.

The offerer will ask forgiveness for celebrating the Devil’s holiday.

 

• The punch will be spiked with creamery milk. 

Everyone will also gain 20 pounds overnight because the water will immediately run out.

 

• An unprompted durf off will ensue.

The competition will be won by a marketing major. Don’t ask how we know.

 

• You will hear the worst mashup you’ve ever heard.

It will be a trap remix of Mystical Magical and Monster Mash.

 

•  A proposal will be made.

If he’s been acting suspicious, it’s probably gonna be you.

 

• Everyone you’ve ever been on a date with will be in costume.

The ick you already had will multiply.

 

• A cartoonishly fake weapon will be confiscated

This is a no-risk school.

 

• A woman will be dress coded

It will reflect on her permanent record.

 

While the Alternate Universe does not claim to be a fortune telling publication, sources and track record have proven that these claims will 100% hold up after the weekend.