Well, it’s that time of year again. You’re headed home for Thanksgiving break. There’ll be turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, and the inevitable conversation about your lack of a relationship. All of us here at The Alternate Universe know how embarrassing it can be to admit to your parents, siblings, and nosy great-aunt that another year has gone by and you’re still not in a … Continue reading Thanksgiving Guide: How To Get Through A Conversation About Your Non-Existent Relationship

Earlier today, a student was put on probation after a series of events that happened as a result of BYU declaring that today was for Friday instruction, despite it being a Tuesday. Mitchell Hughes, a senior who lives at The Village, had four debacles as a result of this common confusion. First, Hughes showed up 20 minutes late to his PS 100 class and missed … Continue reading Local Student Mistakenly Thinks Today’s ‘Friday Schedule’ Extends Beyond Classes

For the past few months, reports of suspicious behavior have come in concerning BYU’s (in)famous mascot Cosmo. Many parents have sent complaints to the university, accusing him of accosting their young children on their way home from school and offering them cougar tails if they’ll “get in the van.” Residents of Orem have also spotted him dumping trash from the Cosmobile while yelling obscenities at … Continue reading Cosmobile Paint Washes off in Quick Quack Car Wash, Reveals Cosmo Has Been Living in Creepy White Van This Whole Time

Members of the Provo 255th ward were shocked today when Parker Schmidt was sustained as a Munch and Mingle committee member, making him the 47th person to join said committee since August. It is unclear to members at this point why there are so many members being called to munch and mingle, especially since the 255th wards last meal consisted of Oreos and a single … Continue reading 47th Munch and Mingle Committee Member Called, Beating Church Record