Maggie Masterson of Saratoga Springs, Utah celebrated a massive victory on Saturday night when her two year-old, Kahnrad, stayed quiet for an entire family prayer. The toddler reportedly stared at his feet for the duration of said prayer. Kahnrad is the youngest of Maggie and Marty Masterson. She was ecstatic as they “haven’t had a fully silent family prayer since 2009.” For years they have … Continue reading Two year-old stays quiet for entire prayer
This morning President Russell M. Nelson confirmed reports that he has indeed developed an awesome new robot arm. It is still unclear if this new development is a side effect of the COVID-19 vaccine or an unrelated occurrence. “This robot arm is much stronger than my old arm, it’ll be good to help out with the folding chairs after stake conference.” said President Nelson. Experts … Continue reading President Nelson Debuts New Robot Arm, Possibly a Vaccine Side Effect
Jared and Bros are a relatively new name in the industry, but CEO Mahonri Moriancumer is already shaking things up. “I just think when talking about innovation that it’s really important to think outside the box—or in my case, think outside the barge that is tight like unto a dish.” When asked about his processes, Moriancumer described how he starts with finding a need that … Continue reading Tech Firm Jared and Bros Unveils New Sustainable Light Source “Powered by the Hand of the Lord”
Confidence. Field Vision. Athleticism. Awareness. Arm Strength. These are all characteristics that have made BYU’s Zach Wilson an intriguing potential starting quarterback in this year’s upcoming NFL draft. Another quality that can now be added to the list? Facial Hair The Alternate Universe has received reports that Wilson has been seen sporting a “surprisingly impressive” mustache since the end of their season. “It scared me … Continue reading BYU Quarterback Zach Wilson’s Draft Stock Skyrockets After Revealing Newly Grown Mustache
Student Danny Todd reportedly reached out to Professor Ralph Bradley on Learning Suite 18 times before finally getting a hold of him on his private Facebook account. His multiple messages included claims, without evidence, that another student in the class had received “100 percent” of all of the points on every assignment, and that his final exam had actually been taken by a dead person. … Continue reading In Extraordinary Hour-Long Call, BYU Student Pressures Professor to Find 11,780 More Points to Add to Grade
