Tag: COVID-19

Campus, News

BYU Decides to Model Random COVID Testing Selection Process after Hunger Games Reapings

With mandatory COVID-19 testing complete for all BYU students, a new season of randomized testing is coming into full swing. Despite BYU’s randomized selection process proving highly effective this past week, the administration has made a sudden decision to alter it completely. Starting Monday, their new approach will be modeled after the reaping system in the hit teen-dystopian novel The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. … Continue reading BYU Decides to Model Random COVID Testing Selection Process after Hunger Games Reapings

Lisa Simpson
Life

Student Disappointed He Can’t See Grandma for Holidays, Mails Her Anthrax to Make Up for It

BYU student Kyle Denver was disappointed to hear that his grandparents were going to play it safe this holiday season. Grandma and Grandpa Denver notified the Kyle and his family that they wouldn’t be coming into town for Thanksgiving to avoid catching COVID-19. They said they’d be calling over Zoom and Facetime to check in with the family. This was unacceptable to Kyle who decided … Continue reading Student Disappointed He Can’t See Grandma for Holidays, Mails Her Anthrax to Make Up for It

Donald Cherry
Campus

BYU to Test Experimental COVID-19 Vaccine on Expendable Liberal Arts Students

Brigham Young University announced earlier this week that the university was involved in experimental trials of COVID vaccines for several companies.  Sources have attested to BYU’s policy of secretly testing the vaccine on liberal arts students, but BYU officials have denied the allegations, and say that all testing was done through proper channels. Spokesperson Hal Mckay said “We would never test on students,” he added, … Continue reading BYU to Test Experimental COVID-19 Vaccine on Expendable Liberal Arts Students

Albert Camus
Campus, News

BYU Prepares to Add Surprise Rice Purity Test in Addition to COVID-19 Testing

University officials announced on Monday that BYU will begin student COVID-19 screening tests from Nov. 18 through Nov. 21. While the test will not be mandatory, BYU encouraged students who have not tested positive for the virus within the last 90 days to get tested. As luck would have it, that happens to be almost every single student on campus. As a result, BYU and … Continue reading BYU Prepares to Add Surprise Rice Purity Test in Addition to COVID-19 Testing

Sue Sylvester
Uncategorized

Humiliated Investigator Drops Missionaries After Accidentally Clapping for a Musical Number

People investigating the LDS Church aren’t often aware of sacrament meeting practices and formalities. Those inviting investigators to church should be mindful to explain these formalities, but this was unfortunately not the case for a pair of missionaries in the Provo Riverwood ward. Last Sunday, Elder Miller and Elder Rowan invited local Provo investigator, John Reynolds, to attend a sacrament meeting in line with COVID-19 … Continue reading Humiliated Investigator Drops Missionaries After Accidentally Clapping for a Musical Number

Sue Sylvester