Author: Bobby Zimmeruski

Campus, Disney, Featured

Hogwarts-Pathway: The Newest At-Home Option for all Prospective Witches and Wizards

Everyone, go get a frying pan, some oil, a pinch of garlic, and all other necessary seasonings because we are going to have some real, lean, FDA-approved, 100% grass-fed BEEF over here! Hogwarts just announced that they are now offering an online option for all prospective wizards and witches. Although this might be an awesome and convenient alternative for many nerds who never could get … Continue reading Hogwarts-Pathway: The Newest At-Home Option for all Prospective Witches and Wizards

Bobby Zimmeruski
Life

Church Announces New Second-Hour Option for Boyfriends Who Go To Their Girlfriend’s Ward

Hey all you freshman with misplaced horniness, listen up. It’s about time we had the talk. When two people like each other very much – they decide to date each other. Inside of just kissing each other at the Duck Pond late at night and ignoring each other throughout the day, two mature people eventually like each other enough to put labels on their relationship. … Continue reading Church Announces New Second-Hour Option for Boyfriends Who Go To Their Girlfriend’s Ward

Bobby Zimmeruski
Featured, News

Church Announces New “Mother and Son” Missions to Begin in 2024

Picture this. You give birth. Cool, right? Then you spend the next 18 years of your existence fighting through blood, sweat, and tears to make sure the little fart doesn’t die. Once you get through all of that with the little guy hating your guts, he leaves for 2 years to go preach the gospel in another language. Sounds a like a deal you’d sign … Continue reading Church Announces New “Mother and Son” Missions to Begin in 2024

Bobby Zimmeruski
Featured, Uncategorized

BYU Intramural Basketball Champions, ‘White Men Can’t Jump’, Narrowly Misses Out on NCAA Tournament, Settles for the NIT

‘White Men Can’t Jump’ had a historic run through the BYU intramural basketball scene as they blazed through their competition to secure the title. Boasting an average win differential of 45 points and going undefeated, many players on the team believed they were good enough to make it to the dance. Players such as Jammer Fred-Debt, Jack Emerson, Braydon Davies, Alex Barviolin, and CJ Haws … Continue reading BYU Intramural Basketball Champions, ‘White Men Can’t Jump’, Narrowly Misses Out on NCAA Tournament, Settles for the NIT

Bobby Zimmeruski
Uncategorized

George Washington Named Honorary Apostle for President’s Day

The Church of Jesus Christ’s fascination with the founding father has always been a little much. To be fair, it is easy to see how important their sacrifices and courageous leadership was towards the restoration of our church. But it always felt like they were just a bit over-enthusiastic. This enthusiasm was confirmed this President’s Day as the church announced that they were making George … Continue reading George Washington Named Honorary Apostle for President’s Day

Bobby Zimmeruski