Author: Inigo Montoya

Campus, Life

Man Has Crisis of Faith After Getting +4’d Six Times in a Row in Uno

Earlier this week, our team received a tip regarding a student doubting his faith after a traumatic experience the night before. Hoping to learn more and shed some light on a typically undiscussed issue on campus, we rushed to the scene. As we arrived at Helaman Halls where this student lived, we almost immediately identified him. Greg Daniels stared off into the wall with a … Continue reading Man Has Crisis of Faith After Getting +4’d Six Times in a Row in Uno

Inigo Montoya
Life

Church Announces Candy Corn Will Replace Sacrament Bread

Eyeing the messy pile of orange, yellow, and white candy corn on the sacrament trays, the 46th Heber Utah family ward couldn’t hide their dread, even among the most pious in the ranks. This was the first Sunday in the ward after the church made the announcement of the temporary change in sacrament policy. The change came as the church announced that it would be … Continue reading Church Announces Candy Corn Will Replace Sacrament Bread

Inigo Montoya
Campus

Scooters Around Campus Turn Out to Be Haunted

BREAKING – BYU Campus, Heber Grant Building There have been reports alleging the many pay-to-ride scooters scattered about campus have mysteriously gathered on their own and are acting unpredictably. After receiving word, the paranormal activity branch of our journalism team quickly rushed to the scene. When asked to describe what she had seen, Rachel, a chemistry major, responded excitedly “You haven’t seen it yet? It’s … Continue reading Scooters Around Campus Turn Out to Be Haunted

Inigo Montoya
Campus, News

Anti-Honor Code Vigilante Cuts Holes in Jeans

Recent reports from students and faculty alike allege that there is a vigilante figure cutting holes in the kneecaps of pants. Their identity and motives remain unknown. We interviewed Jason Peters, a recent victim, at a nearby Walmart. “I had to stay home for a week when my only pants were cut, I felt so dirty showing my kneecaps in public,” says Jason Peters, a … Continue reading Anti-Honor Code Vigilante Cuts Holes in Jeans

Inigo Montoya
Life

Our Top 5 Most Modest Met Gala Outfits

5) Troye Sivan 2/10. Left all the male staff on our team on their knees in repentance after they thought they saw cleavage.   4) Naomi Osaka 4/10. Honor Code office was unable to protest this outfit as they were investigating the theft of all the BYU Bookstore’s hair gel.   3) Rihanna and A$AP Rocky 7/10. This modest fashion breakthrough was dubbed “late night … Continue reading Our Top 5 Most Modest Met Gala Outfits

Inigo Montoya