Do you guys remember all of your friends from high school who weren’t as good as you and didn’t get into BYU? Well if they haven’t left the church by now, you can find them at BYU-Idaho!
We sent our investigative reporter, DeDuce Información, to Rexburg this past week to check up on these prodigal sons and daughters. Let’s take a look at the recent developments from Rexburg, shall we?
#1 Research Shows BYU-Idaho makes up 40% of Virgins Worldwide
Even though Rexburg is widely known as the ‘Paris of Idaho’, this Eastern Idaho college town actually appears to not live up to their romantic reputation. It has been speculated that the large amount of Star Wars Legos and Eagle Scouts in the area could be to blame.
#2 Recent Protests Over Strict Honor Code Lead to Violence
The masses of thirsty, young males who have been dying to show a little bit more skin have finally taken action. This past weekend, violent protests broke out in downtown Rexburg after students finally decided to protest the strict honor code. The number of causalities has not yet been confirmed.
#3 Whoops…Polygamy is still a thing
With the recent news that there are multiple polygamist communities in the area, many are quick to ridicule the local leadership for letting this happen. But we shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Reports are that they still use AOL and receive all mail by carrier pigeon up. Let’s be patient and give them a few more hundred years to catch up.
#4 Rexburg North Temple to open inside the Local Walmart
Regarded as the most important landmark in Eastern Idaho, the north Rexburg Walmart will finally have a new friend. The recent announcement of the new Temple in the area will be the perfect bridge between the celestial and telestial worlds. Talk about great deals!
#5 Owned by the FLDS
If the polygamy didn’t trigger any alarms, the secret is finally out. As a way to recover from the failed Romney presidential campaign in 2012, The Church of Jesus Christ sold the entire town of Rexburg to the FLDS for $10,000 and a copying machine.