Category: Campus

Campus

President Worthen Celebrates End of Semester with Hunt of the Prized Duck-Pond Mallard

As students rushed to submit their final exams and projects by midnight last night, President Kevin J. Worthen saddled up for his bi-annual hunt of the duck pond’s prized mallard. Sources close to BYU’s 13th president confirm that this tradition has helped Kevin unwind from the pressures of work for many years. “During finals week, Dad’s eyes start to glaze over a bit.” explains his … Continue reading President Worthen Celebrates End of Semester with Hunt of the Prized Duck-Pond Mallard

Warren Dusenberry
Campus

Liberty Square Resident Home Alone After Roommates Leave For Thanksgiving, Creates Series of Charming Death Traps in Case of Potential Intruders

After UVU student Kevin McParody had the apartment to himself, he did what any young adult would do. McParody watched R Rated movies in the living room, where he was free of judgement from his roommates, and ate all the ice cream in the house, even that which he did not purchase. As the week went by, McParody caught wind of rumors of a pair … Continue reading Liberty Square Resident Home Alone After Roommates Leave For Thanksgiving, Creates Series of Charming Death Traps in Case of Potential Intruders

Liz Lemon
Campus

@matchmakerbyu actually polygamy scheme

Over the past month, @matchmakerbyu on Instagram has been very popular. They have been taking in survey answers and attempting to match people according to what they see as compatible traits. Early on they had far more women answer the survey. They said they would end submissions when they had the same number of guys and girls answer their survey. New information suggests that was … Continue reading @matchmakerbyu actually polygamy scheme

Cameron Frye
Campus

BYU to Test Experimental COVID-19 Vaccine on Expendable Liberal Arts Students

Brigham Young University announced earlier this week that the university was involved in experimental trials of COVID vaccines for several companies.  Sources have attested to BYU’s policy of secretly testing the vaccine on liberal arts students, but BYU officials have denied the allegations, and say that all testing was done through proper channels. Spokesperson Hal Mckay said “We would never test on students,” he added, … Continue reading BYU to Test Experimental COVID-19 Vaccine on Expendable Liberal Arts Students

Albert Camus
Campus, News

BYU Prepares to Add Surprise Rice Purity Test in Addition to COVID-19 Testing

University officials announced on Monday that BYU will begin student COVID-19 screening tests from Nov. 18 through Nov. 21. While the test will not be mandatory, BYU encouraged students who have not tested positive for the virus within the last 90 days to get tested. As luck would have it, that happens to be almost every single student on campus. As a result, BYU and … Continue reading BYU Prepares to Add Surprise Rice Purity Test in Addition to COVID-19 Testing

Sue Sylvester