Category: Featured

Campus, Featured

BYU Creamery Releases new ‘Fry Sauce’ Flavored Dairy Products

If this isn’t the sign of the end of days, then we don’t know what is. BYU Creamery has recently announced that they will soon release fry-sauced inspired products such as Fry Sauce Milk and Fry Sauce Mint Brownies. The full list of these crimes against humanity are: Fry sauce Chocolate milk, fry sauce mint brownies, fry sauce ice cream, fry sauce pepper-jack cheese, and … Continue reading BYU Creamery Releases new ‘Fry Sauce’ Flavored Dairy Products

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured, Uncategorized

Cannon Center to Install Actual Cannon

As efforts increase to prevent the spread of Coronavirus, BYU’s Cannon Center has taken a revolutionary approach to social distancing and public safety with the installation of a real cannon. Imported from England, the cannon will be loaded with food and fired at the hungry students. Kate Anderson, head manager of the Cannon Center, described the process of this new decision to The Alternate Universe … Continue reading Cannon Center to Install Actual Cannon

Sister Michael
Campus, Featured, Life

Chuck E. Cheese Buys BYU Duck Pond

Move over, Cosmo! There’s a new mascot in town! Chuck E. Cheese just bought the BYU duck bond for $5.8 million. In an effort to “revitalize” BYU’s campus, the company plans to build artificial islands with a miniature city complete with a full-sized Chuck E. Cheese’s building. BYU’s Board of Trustees eagerly approved the BYU duck pond remodel because there is nothing more that they … Continue reading Chuck E. Cheese Buys BYU Duck Pond

Renesmee
Campus, Featured

BYU Police employs military-grade solutions for jaywalkers and grass-walking students

I want you to close your eyes and think to yourself right now: What is the worst part about BYU? Come on, do it. I don’t see those eyes closed. There we go, nice job. You can open your eyes. What did you say was the worst part about BYU? Did you say the people? American Heritage? Economics with Professor Kearl? Not being able to … Continue reading BYU Police employs military-grade solutions for jaywalkers and grass-walking students

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured, News

New BYU Policy: Infants Who Attend Class With Parent Will Receive Course Credit

A new BYU policy states that infants who attend their parent’s classes will receive partial course credit. To qualify, the infant will be expected to have consistent attendance and the parent will need to read assigned reading aloud to their child. If the infant sleeps through class, they will be eligible to receive no higher than a C. BYU believes it only fair to still … Continue reading New BYU Policy: Infants Who Attend Class With Parent Will Receive Course Credit

Carmen Sandeigo