Category: Featured

Featured

Elderly BYU Education Week Attendees Kicked Out After Throwing Massive Parties on Campus

Seventy-year-old Eldon Allred and a number of his “education week homies” were asked to leave after nightly parties became an issue. “I was just trying to relive my glory days at BYU,” Allred said. “Take some classes, drink some chocolate milk, and party like it’s 1969.” BYU administration said that they “obviously” had to ask Allred to leave. Citing not only noise issues and dangers … Continue reading Elderly BYU Education Week Attendees Kicked Out After Throwing Massive Parties on Campus

Albert Camus
Featured, Life

Student refugees seek shelter during Homeless Week

Homeless Week has arrived and the apartment-changing students of Provo have nowhere to go. The property management companies swooped in far more quickly than anyone anticipated. In mere hours the tenants were forced out of their apartments and onto the streets. Many have fled the city. In their wake remain a plethora of overflowing dumpsters and confusion. Others wait in desperation as traffic and construction … Continue reading Student refugees seek shelter during Homeless Week

Cameron Frye
Featured

Ex-Mormon Gets Unvaccinated Following Announcement from First Presidency

Following a church announcement urging members to wear masks and get vaccinated, vocal ex-Mormon Allie Jones got “unvaccinated” to ensure she was not following the directions of the prophet.  Jones reportedly “didn’t want to end up on the wrong side of things” so she booked an appointment immediately to have her vaccination undone. “When the prophet speaks, the debate is over.” said Allie, “and by … Continue reading Ex-Mormon Gets Unvaccinated Following Announcement from First Presidency

Albert Camus
Campus, Featured

Cosmo’s true identity revealed. The shocking tell-all!

Cosmo’s true identity has been a mystery for many decades. Many people have claimed to be the famed mascot, but they have all been found out to be liars. The big cat has been revealed to be none other than Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Since 2019, he has donned the cougar costume almost weekly in support of BYU sports. “That explains all the pec-popping,” says … Continue reading Cosmo’s true identity revealed. The shocking tell-all!

Cameron Frye
Featured

Rival Utah Mascots Spotted on Romantic End of Summer of Vacation in Bora Bora

It looks like Cougartown has just been picked up again for another season. This past weekend, pictures emerged of a scandalous affair between rival school’s mascots. Cosmo the Cougar of BYU and Costco the Ocelot of UVU were spotted sharing an alcohol-free mimosa in an overwater bungalow in Bora Bora. More pictures have been taken of the two applying lotion to each other in the … Continue reading Rival Utah Mascots Spotted on Romantic End of Summer of Vacation in Bora Bora

Bobby Zimmeruski