A new study released this Saturday shows that, when dating, BYU students find the Hogwarts House of potential partners more important than almost anything else. Hogwarts, the fictional school of wizardry created by J.K. Rowling, sorts students via magical sorting hat into four houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. In real life, people either take an online quiz or just decide what house they belong … Continue reading Study Shows Single BYU Students prioritize Hogwarts House over Morals, General Attractiveness When Dating

Having spent most of her time at BYU dating noncommittal, self-absorbed tinder matches, Jess White is looking now to settle down and learn what a healthy relationship looks like. She hopes her new wedding photography business will give her an up-close look at real couples who love each other. “It has been… weird?” Jess says, noting that couples she photographed talked and laughed the whole … Continue reading Basic Provo Girl Starts Wedding Photography Business to Learn What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like

Strapped for cash and finally coming to terms with the old saying that dating is simply spending money on someone else’s wife, Campus Plaza resident Philip Johnson has allegedly begun preparing itemized invoices for the husbands of all the girls he used to date. “It’s nothing personal. I just spent a lot on meals and fun activities for Cindy back when we were dating and … Continue reading BYU Guy Seeks to Recoup Dating Losses, Sends Invoices to Husbands of Ex-Girlfriends

In an apparent last-ditch effort to get a sale one month into his dream summer selling security cameras in North Dakota, sources confirm that Provo Bro Joe Hanks has staked out an affluent doorstep and is doing pushups there until the homeowner buys a doorbell camera. “37… 38… 40… wait, back up, missed one.” Joe grunted with sweat dripping down his face, “39… ok, 41… … Continue reading Crazed Summer Sales Bro Won’t Stop Doing Push-Ups on Doorstep Until Homeowner Buys Security System