Category: Life

Life

BYU Guy Seeks to Recoup Dating Losses, Sends Invoices to Husbands of Ex-Girlfriends

Strapped for cash and finally coming to terms with the old saying that dating is simply spending money on someone else’s wife, Campus Plaza resident Philip Johnson has allegedly begun preparing itemized invoices for the husbands of all the girls he used to date. “It’s nothing personal. I just spent a lot on meals and fun activities for Cindy back when we were dating and … Continue reading BYU Guy Seeks to Recoup Dating Losses, Sends Invoices to Husbands of Ex-Girlfriends

Warren Dusenberry
Life

Crazed Summer Sales Bro Won’t Stop Doing Push-Ups on Doorstep Until Homeowner Buys Security System

In an apparent last-ditch effort to get a sale one month into his dream summer selling security cameras in North Dakota, sources confirm that Provo Bro Joe Hanks has staked out an affluent doorstep and is doing pushups there until the homeowner buys a doorbell camera. “37… 38… 40… wait, back up, missed one.” Joe grunted with sweat dripping down his face, “39… ok, 41… … Continue reading Crazed Summer Sales Bro Won’t Stop Doing Push-Ups on Doorstep Until Homeowner Buys Security System

Warren Dusenberry
Campus, Life

President Worthen Realizes He Made Too Much Guac for Spring Term Kickoff Party

Upon arriving at the annual campus-wide Spring term kickoff party on Friday, university president Kevin J. Worthen quickly realized that he had brought way too much of his signature homemade guacamole. “I always forget to adjust my recipe from when I make a batch at the start of Fall.” Worthen chuckled to himself while handing out gallon jugs of guac to the 11 students attending, … Continue reading President Worthen Realizes He Made Too Much Guac for Spring Term Kickoff Party

Warren Dusenberry
Campus, Life, News

BYU to Make Changes to Honor Code in Response to Student-lead Protests

After hard-working students spent hours organizing events and standing out in unfriendly weather, the BYU administration has finally agreed to makes changes to the Honor Code. “Ok, ok, we’ll do it,” said Dan Johnson, head of the Honor Code Office, at a press conference following the demonstration “I guess we’ll make some changes. We would like to announce that when writing, you will no longer … Continue reading BYU to Make Changes to Honor Code in Response to Student-lead Protests

Liz Lemon
Campus, General Conference, Life, News

Heartbroken Conference Rumor Believers Abandon Tent City Outside Orem Starbucks

Following another inspirational weekend of General Conference, disappointed rumor believers are now packing up the small tent city they set up out front of a rundown Orem Starbucks. “We’re honestly still shook that nothing changed.” related coffee-hungry Craig Zimmerman, tossing a sleeping bag into the back of the family mini van as rain poured down, “My friend’s credible sources must be having serious trust issues … Continue reading Heartbroken Conference Rumor Believers Abandon Tent City Outside Orem Starbucks

Warren Dusenberry