Category: Life

Featured, Life, News

BYU Returning to Online Classes In Response to Cheese Touch Outbreak

This morning around 9 am, BYU students received the news that all classes will convert to online delivery effective immediately in response to the recent cheese touch outbreak on campus. They say it’s worse than a case of nuclear cooties. It spreads faster than butter on a hot roll, and it can smell fear. With around 5,000 campus cases and counting, the administration was left … Continue reading BYU Returning to Online Classes In Response to Cheese Touch Outbreak

Lisa Simpson
Life

Church announces new film trilogy about keeping the Sabbath holy

Today, a letter from the First Presidency announced a trilogy of movies that will focus on the Sabbath. The letter was read over pulpits around the world to much confusion. The first film, The Fast and the Testimony, will explain the meanings behind both fasting and bearing testimony. The final act of the movie will actually feature an entire fast and testimony meeting of a small … Continue reading Church announces new film trilogy about keeping the Sabbath holy

Cameron Frye
Campus, Featured, Life

Chuck E. Cheese Buys BYU Duck Pond

Move over, Cosmo! There’s a new mascot in town! Chuck E. Cheese just bought the BYU duck bond for $5.8 million. In an effort to “revitalize” BYU’s campus, the company plans to build artificial islands with a miniature city complete with a full-sized Chuck E. Cheese’s building. BYU’s Board of Trustees eagerly approved the BYU duck pond remodel because there is nothing more that they … Continue reading Chuck E. Cheese Buys BYU Duck Pond

Renesmee
Life, News

Tabernacle Choir Removes Music From Spotify

Last week, rock musician Neil Young removed his solo collection of music from Spotify. This was in response to COVID-19 misinformation being spread by The Joe Rogan Experience, a podcast owned by Spotify. Several other artists have since followed his example but this Alternate Universe correspondent had never heard of any of them and had too much homework to allow time to find out. So … Continue reading Tabernacle Choir Removes Music From Spotify

Carmen Sandeigo
Life

Student Cured of Clinical Depression After Seeing Funny Minion Meme on Facebook

Minion memes are finally getting the respect they deserve. Steven Carroll was casually scrolling through Facebook one day, as all typical 23-year-old single white males do, when he stumbled upon his mom’s Facebook post. Little did he know, his life would be changed forever. “When I saw it, I almost went into cardiac arrest” Steven Carroll recounted. “You can ask my roommates, they legit thought … Continue reading Student Cured of Clinical Depression After Seeing Funny Minion Meme on Facebook

Bobby Zimmeruski