Category: Life

Life, missionary

Student Skips Mission Call Intro, Immediately Gets Smote

In what is being referred to as “an act of divine intervention,” a prospective missionary from Budge Hall was struck by lightning moments after ignoring the introductory paragraphs of his mission call. Brockson Thornton, 18, was caught up in the fervor of twenty other young men opening their calls in the Budge lobby of Tuesday night. “It was awesome at first,” remarked Thornton’s roommate, Brad … Continue reading Student Skips Mission Call Intro, Immediately Gets Smote

Kit Kittredge
Life

Donald Trump Renames Utah Lake to “BYU Lake”

President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday night changing the name of Utah Lake to BYU Lake. According to him, “It’s a change everyone has been wanting. ‘B-Y-U Lake’ just has a much better ring. BYU will reclaim its rightful place as the greatest, most powerful, most respected university on earth inspiring the awe, admiration of the entire world. We are changing the name … Continue reading Donald Trump Renames Utah Lake to “BYU Lake”

Cameron Frye
Campus, Life

BYU Parking Police Super Chill Now, Announce “Just Park Anywhere”

The ever-stringent BYU parking authorities have relaxed their policies today, declaring that students and staff alike can, “just park wherever, man.” C. Carr Park, head of the parking division of BYU Security explained further that, “Effective immediately: all parking regulations and restrictions are lifted until further notice. If there’s anywhere with enough space for a car, you can park there.” President Reese commented on the … Continue reading BYU Parking Police Super Chill Now, Announce “Just Park Anywhere”

Paul Hollywood
Campus, Life

Tan France Hosts Seminar Titled “Queer Eye for the Engineering Guy”

Take a whiff! That scent of swagger old spice is a strong sign that you are strolling toward east campus, home to the infamous engineering building. Upon entering, one might feel swallowed up in a storm of young men still sporting their 8th-grade style. With deep compassion, BYU faculty reached out to Tan France and asked him to host an instructional seminar to help these needful … Continue reading Tan France Hosts Seminar Titled “Queer Eye for the Engineering Guy”

Kim Possible
Life

BYU Conservative Votes Blue to Rub It In Utah’s Face

Normally, Jenson McButton would vote Republican down the whole ticket. However, BYU doesn’t usually play Utah during the week of Election Day. Because the two are playing this week, Jenson can have no red anywhere in his life. “I’m a lifelong conservative, but I hate the University of Utah more than I hate Leftists,” said McButton. “Normally I love to say ‘Choose the Right’ on … Continue reading BYU Conservative Votes Blue to Rub It In Utah’s Face

Cameron Frye1 Comment