Church Investment Manager Excommunicated After Ignoring Prompting to Convert Entire $100 Billion Fund into GameStop Stock

Larry Smith, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ investment portfolio manager, was allegedly fired and excommunicated early this morning after word got out that he had ignored a strong spiritual prompting to covert all of the Church’s more than $100 Billion in available assets into GameStop stock several months ago. Sources at Church headquarters confirm that President Nelson, after a restless night, called … Continue reading Church Investment Manager Excommunicated After Ignoring Prompting to Convert Entire $100 Billion Fund into GameStop Stock

Eliza R. Snow to replace Donny Osmond on the $17 Bill

In the past few days the Biden administration has reportedly begun reinstating efforts to add Harriet Tubman’s portrait to the $20 bill, replacing Andrew Jackson. This project was originally initiated by the Obama administration, and is finally being brought to fruition. Another change a little closer to home, is the decision to replace Donny Osmond on the $17 bill with Eliza R. Snow. The newly … Continue reading Eliza R. Snow to replace Donny Osmond on the $17 Bill

New missionary to hand out 100 million copies of the Book of Mormon in first 100 days in the field

Elder Matt Matthews of Orem, Utah has recently been assigned to serve in the Washington DC North Mission. Matthews held a press conference to announce his plan for his first 100 days in the mission field. His loftiest goal is to hand out 100 million copies of the Book of Mormon. Matthews believes that every citizen within his stewardship should have free access to the … Continue reading New missionary to hand out 100 million copies of the Book of Mormon in first 100 days in the field

Trump Pardons U of U Mascot On Last Day in Office, Swoop Officially Released Into the Wild

In a flurry of activity Tuesday afternoon, President Trump issued several pardons as his term came to an end. Among those pardoned was the University of Utah mascot, Swoop. A spokesperson for the President stated “The President sees Swoop as a national hero and thinks it a travesty that Swoop has been dealt such a great injustice by the corrupt deep state.” Swoop has been … Continue reading Trump Pardons U of U Mascot On Last Day in Office, Swoop Officially Released Into the Wild

Wilkinson Center Piano Player Excited to WOW Large Audience of In-Line COVID-19 Testers

As the winter semester begins, so does mandatory COVID-19 testing for all BYU students. While most are dragging their feet to get tested, not all view the requirement as irritating. This is a moment in time packed with opportunity for Justin Wilks, self-taught musician based in the Wilkinson Center who specializes in piano performance. Wilks explained that since COVID has decreased traffic in the student … Continue reading Wilkinson Center Piano Player Excited to WOW Large Audience of In-Line COVID-19 Testers