Category: News

General Conference, News

Report: Preorders for General Conference 2021 have been a DISASTER

Having trouble preordering a PS5 and X-box Series X/S? Don’t worry, you’re in good company. Advanced tickets for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ most coveted event of the year were supposed to become available on September 17th. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned. Many Bishoprics went rogue, offering the tickets the day before. When the Church announced tickets at the scheduled … Continue reading Report: Preorders for General Conference 2021 have been a DISASTER

James West
General Conference, News

LDS Church offers October General Conference time slot to Joe Rogan to host Presidential Debate

The internet has been astir lately with the recent news of podcast host and UFC commentator Joe Rogan offering to host the 2020 presidential debates. Nationally, this idea reached a peak level of virality thanks to the endorsement of President Donald Trump. In Utah, however, the stir was caused by a different endorsement. On September 18, 2020, a statement to the press from The Church … Continue reading LDS Church offers October General Conference time slot to Joe Rogan to host Presidential Debate

James West
News, Sports

Army Seeks to Avoid Biggest Loss Since Little Bighorn, Cancels BYU Game

In an apparent effort to avoid nationally broadcast humiliation, the Army has cancelled their upcoming football game against BYU. According to “official” sources the cancellation is due to concerns over BYU’s handling of COVID-19 cases and reporting. According to smart people who know when they’re being lied to the cancellation is due to the fact that BYU is clearly the greatest college football team ever … Continue reading Army Seeks to Avoid Biggest Loss Since Little Bighorn, Cancels BYU Game

Donald Cherry
News

New CDC Data Reveals Only 6% Of Egyptians Actually Died From Moses’ 10 Plagues

After reviewing some data in their spare time, officials at the Center for Disease Control have revealed some interesting results. According to the data and announcement, it seems as though most Egyptians had other preexisting conditions when afflicted by Moses’ 10 plagues. Most Egyptian citizens suffered from things like dysentery, tuberculosis and cholera in addition to locusts, boils, and the Angel of Death. CDC officials … Continue reading New CDC Data Reveals Only 6% Of Egyptians Actually Died From Moses’ 10 Plagues

Liz Lemon
News

Provo insists bad air quality is a government hoax

The air quality in Utah was thought to have gotten worse from recent fires, but Provo residents insist on the idea that the poor air quality is simply another hoax, much like COVID-19. “We all know that social distancing doesn’t do anything,” said Jared Wright, a BYU student studying environmental science. “The reason why the air was thought to be bad was because the government … Continue reading Provo insists bad air quality is a government hoax

Gail Black