Category: News

News

Congress Votes to Postpone April Fool’s Day Because “There’s Just Too Much Going On Right Now.”

Congress voted on a historic bill that would delay April Fool’s Day early Wednesday morning. “There’s enough going on in the world right now. People shouldn’t have to worry about putting honey on the toilet seat or prank calls about bailing their kids out of jail,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. The bill passed unanimously in both the House and the Senate, and … Continue reading Congress Votes to Postpone April Fool’s Day Because “There’s Just Too Much Going On Right Now.”

Liz Lemon
News

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Announces Free Copies of Book of Mormon

With people stuck at home, many companies like Adobe, Fender, and Audible, have made certain products and services available for free. This has been a great way for many to stay busy and active while they are social distancing. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has decided that they too want to offer something free of charge to the masses. Church officials announced … Continue reading The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Announces Free Copies of Book of Mormon

Art Vandelay
News

Zoom Hires Team of Priests, Announces Virtual ‘Drop-In Wedding Hours’ for BYU Students Who Desperately Need Marriage

With the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints closing temples indefinitely, BYU students who can’t live another day without getting married have been dealt a crushing blow. Thankfully, the corporate social responsibility department at Zoom has come up with a solution. After adding dozens of nondenominational priests to their payroll, the video conferencing software company is now offering free virtual weddings to any local … Continue reading Zoom Hires Team of Priests, Announces Virtual ‘Drop-In Wedding Hours’ for BYU Students Who Desperately Need Marriage

Warren Dusenberry
Life, News

Angel Moroni on Salt Lake Temple Drops Trumpet, Launches Into Upper Atmosphere

An earthquake on Wednesday morning caused some damage to a beloved Salt Lake landmark. The Angel Moroni statue atop the Salt Lake City Temple was stripped of its trumpet due to seismic activity. This did not deter the Church’s plan to launch the statue into low orbit later on that same day. “We were aware that some superficial damage to the statue could occur during … Continue reading Angel Moroni on Salt Lake Temple Drops Trumpet, Launches Into Upper Atmosphere

Donald Cherry
News

Local Coronavirus Desperately Digging Through RNA to Find Something Green to Wear Today

Hoping to avoid the “terrible human tradition” of being pinched for not wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day, one local Coronavirus is hysterically digging through its RNA to find something at least remotely green to put on. “Shoot, I did NOT realize that was TODAY.” lamented Rony the Coronavirus, “There’s no way I’m going to show up in public today like THIS.” Although Rony and … Continue reading Local Coronavirus Desperately Digging Through RNA to Find Something Green to Wear Today

Warren Dusenberry