Category: Provo

Life, Provo

Hidden Pro-Cannibalism Message Found by Playing FSY Album Backwards

Everyone loves hearing the youth sing the FSY medley. But this year, their song might be one not of praise, but of carnage. Janice Censordoll, a Provo Relief Society President, has found shocking pro-cannibalism messages hidden in this year’s FSY album.  It all started while Censordoll was playing the new FSY album on her turntable. “I buy all church music on vinyl,” she said, “I … Continue reading Hidden Pro-Cannibalism Message Found by Playing FSY Album Backwards

Macho Man Randy Savage
Life, Provo

Top Five Hot Tubs in Provo

The unique culture of Provo Utah seems especially accentuated in the various hot tubs around the city. Our tub team at the Alternate Universe conducted extensive research to properly the top 5 hot tubs Provo has to offer. 5. Glenwood From high schoolers to super seniors, the Glenwood hot tub delivers an iconic blend of personalities that are sure to remind you why Provo is … Continue reading Top Five Hot Tubs in Provo

George Beard
Campus, Life, Provo

BYU Campus Missionaries Canvassing for Mike Lee in Midterm Elections

With midterm elections fast approaching, senator candidates Mike Lee and Evan McMullin are pulling out all stops in hopes of winning the race. While television ads, mailed propaganda, and pleas for campaign donations are all effective, Senator Mike Lee has stepped up his game with his new strategy of recruiting missionaries to campaign for him. “I just really felt the need to get across that … Continue reading BYU Campus Missionaries Canvassing for Mike Lee in Midterm Elections

Kayteigh Leigh
Campus, Featured, Life, Provo

The Devil Went Down To Provo: Provo Man Wins Piano Contest Against Satan

On Friday, construction workers found an ancient poem while working in the HFAC. The ode, etched onto a stone tablet, is written in Old English and appears to date back to the 20th century. Professor Filastus Dogberry, an expert in ancient languages, was able to translate the epic poem after many hours of study. The following translation was sent by Professor Dogberry to the Alternate … Continue reading The Devil Went Down To Provo: Provo Man Wins Piano Contest Against Satan

Macho Man Randy Savage
Life, Provo

How to be Straight-Passing at BYU

Let’s be honest, BYU kind of sucks. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to fit in. Remember, overcompensating is what we’re going for. For males: Drive a Ford F-150. Make sure it has blinding LED headlights, and tailgate whenever possible Never use your turn signal Get a buzz cut Invest in NFTs Whiten your teeth Make football your entire personality Wear those weird rectangular sunglasses … Continue reading How to be Straight-Passing at BYU

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