Category: Sports

News, Sports

Report: BYU Demi-God Jimmer Fredette Returns from China

Former BYU basketball deity Jimmer Fredette has officially signed a contract with the Phoenix Suns of the NBA. His Eminence had been playing with the Shanghai Sharks of the Chinese Basketball Association where He worked miracles as league international MVP and led the league in scoring for the 2016-2017 season. The deal is for two years with a team option for the second year when … Continue reading Report: BYU Demi-God Jimmer Fredette Returns from China

Donald Cherry
Life, Sports

Unhinged Sitake Aggressively Prepares for Boise State Game by Dropping Off Resume at Every Taco Bell in Utah

Following another disappointing loss, head coach Kalani Sitake is aggressively preparing for the football team’s next game against Boise State by actively applying for open positions at every Taco Bell across Utah. “I think we have a real chance against Boise State, but it will be a challenge.” Sitake expressed disinterestedly while scrolling through Taco Bell’s “Careers” webpage, “They’ve got a powerful company culture and … Continue reading Unhinged Sitake Aggressively Prepares for Boise State Game by Dropping Off Resume at Every Taco Bell in Utah

Warren Dusenberry
News, Sports

Breaking: Cosmo Will Continue Performing Despite Loss of Head

BYU’s beloved mascot Cosmo the Cougar scared football fans for life last Saturday when, mid-flip, the iconic feline’s giant head became completely detached from his body and was horrifyingly launched onto the field. (Warning: graphic content. Video can be watched here.) Down-trodden but not defeated, an upbeat Cosmo appeared at a university press conference Monday and unequivocally affirmed his plans to continue performing this season – … Continue reading Breaking: Cosmo Will Continue Performing Despite Loss of Head

Warren Dusenberry
News, Sports

Writers at BYU AltUniverse Wonder if There’s a Point to Keeping “Sports” Page on Website

In their weekly staff meeting Wednesday, writers for the BYU Alternate Universe website grappled with the complicated issue of maintaining a page on their site dedicated entirely to sports articles. Concerns began to arise just several weeks after the website’s launch, as chief editor Warren Dusenberry noticed that not a single article had been written to fit in the “sports” category. Warren’s attempts to inspire … Continue reading Writers at BYU AltUniverse Wonder if There’s a Point to Keeping “Sports” Page on Website

Warren Dusenberry