BYU’s beloved mascot Cosmo the Cougar scared football fans for life last Saturday when, mid-flip, the iconic feline’s giant head became completely detached from his body and was horrifyingly launched onto the field. (Warning: graphic content. Video can be watched here.)
Down-trodden but not defeated, an upbeat Cosmo appeared at a university press conference Monday and unequivocally affirmed his plans to continue performing this season – even if he has to do so without his head.
Assistant Coach Ed Lamb got the conference off to a candid start: “We’re very sorry. When it comes to BYU football, it’s safe to say that many cougar fans have grown accustomed to being ok with a loss of some sort. This, however, was… unexpected. And unprofessional.”
Cosmo, who now stands just a little over a foot shorter than he did last week, likewise apologized. The strange guttural sounds he made seemed, by all accounts, sincere, and seemed appropriate considering that he now has no mouth able to articulate any real words. Onlookers pointed out that he is, and has always been, a cougar of few words.
When asked whether or not Cosmo will suffer any long-term health issues, Coach Lamb gave an uncertain response but assured the press that being headless and bleeding profusely would not affect Cosmo’s scheduled performances for the remainder of the year.
“We have people working on it, but it’s too soon to tell if this will be permanent.” Lamb remarked, “Cosmo has communicated to us privately that he would rather die than abandon the people relying on him this season, and feels confident that being decapitated will not stop him from entertaining our viewers.”
“President Worthen, I will say, however, is very concerned about this issue and, like many of you, was very disappointed to see that Cosmo bleeds red, not blue.”
Fans who would like to show their support for Cosmo and his recovery are encouraged to attend his next performance at Salt Lake Children’s Hospital this weekend, where BYU’s mascot will attempt to make another viral dance video in-between life saving surgeries.