Tag: Cosmo

Campus, Featured, Life

Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo

Sorry, Clavvy. You mess with the cat, you’ve gotta go toe-to-toe with the dawgs. “I can’t believe a misogymaxxed moidslop chudcel like him would even jestergoon around a cougarpilled canthal tilt like Cosmo’s. Enjoy that career-ending cortisol spike, bud,” said onlooker John Volcel. Clavicular was unable to comment as he was busy crying in the corner of the Milk & Cookies lounge. Barefoot Cosmo, stoic … Continue reading Looksmaxxer Clavicular Brutally Frame-Mogged by Barefoot Cosmo

Don Cheadle
Uncategorized

General Authorities Report Visions of Cosmo in Vecna’s Lair. 11 Other Mascots Missing.

This morning, general authorities reported visions of Cosmo abducted in a strange, vine-like lair. News reports have confirmed the abduction of 11 other mascots as well. With great interest, reporters coaxed a vague description our of our dear prophet. “What I saw…it was like Nephi’s vision of the great and spacious building…but silmier and with more squishy sounds,” he shared, visibly disturbed. While many people … Continue reading General Authorities Report Visions of Cosmo in Vecna’s Lair. 11 Other Mascots Missing.

Kim Possible
Sticky post
Featured

Cosmo Cougar Announces Official Debut Album: The Life of a Showcat

Ever since Cosmo closed the curtain on his last football era in 2024, Cosmies (Cosmo fans) have been eagerly awaiting his next move. On August 20th, 2025, he announced his debut album, offering a behind-the-stands look at life during his football days. While this came as a shock to many sports fans, it was not a shock to Cosmo’s cultish fan club. Kourtneigh Brace shared … Continue reading Cosmo Cougar Announces Official Debut Album: The Life of a Showcat

Kim Possible
News

Cosmo the Cougar Called Upon to Disavow Acts of Cougar Caught on Tape

BYU critics and fans alike are calling for Cosmo the Cougar to disavow the “heinous and criminal” actions of another cougar over the weekend. Video footage was leaked wherein a mountain lion, better known as a “cougar” stalked and harassed a man for several minutes.  BYU has been able to confirm that the animal depicted is not in fact beloved mascot Cosmo the cougar, but … Continue reading Cosmo the Cougar Called Upon to Disavow Acts of Cougar Caught on Tape

Albert Camus
Campus, News

BYU Waiting for Cosmo to Emerge from Burrow, See Own Shadow Before Declaring Virtual Fall Semester

While many universities have already made the decision as to whether they will open up campus again Fall semester, BYU continues to keep students in limbo. In a recent letter to the student body, BYU administrators explained that they are unable to make the official determination that classes will continue online unless Cosmo crawls out of his burrow and recognizes his own shadow. Continue reading BYU Waiting for Cosmo to Emerge from Burrow, See Own Shadow Before Declaring Virtual Fall Semester

Warren Dusenberry