On the heels of this week’s snowfall, God has officially announced that spring will be cancelled in the state of Utah for the year 2022. “We won’t see consistent warm temperatures until we hit summer in late May.” said a source close to the Creator of the Universe “We’re thinking things will be in the mid to low 40’s until we crank it straight into … Continue reading God Announces Spring is Cancelled in Utah
According to recent reports, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints will be hosting some March Madness games this weekend. Since the entirety of March Madness this year will be held in the Indianapolis area, there was a limited number of available venues to play in. Just like the Provo Rec Center, there was an extreme imbalance of players with NBA dreams compared … Continue reading March Madness Games will be Played at Local Church Buildings, Officiated by Local “Church Ball” Referees
“Tunnel Singing” was famous around campus for being a hotbed for eager freshman boys looking to impress local girls with their beautiful singing voices. “Tunnel Singing”, the college equivalent of playing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” on the Ukulele in the high school cafeteria, has not ruled Sunday evenings recently as it did in the past. But recently, small “factions” of ex-tunnel singers have been spotted … Continue reading Ex-Tunnel Singing Boy Band Beef Escalates in the Provo Area
BYU’s “Rainbow Day” came to a grand conclusion last Thursday with a rainbow lit ‘Y’ in support of LGBTQ+ students…or did it? After facing heavy criticism online for their initial response, University Communications is now attempting to reframe the purpose behind the recent ‘Y’ lighting. The Alternate Universe was fortunate enough to bully a BYU social media intern into leaking a few of the University’s … Continue reading BYU Struggles to Spin Recent Y Lighting
At the end of an online stake training meeting with the American Fork West Stake, Elder David A. Bednar revealed that he was actually wearing Utah Jazz sweatpants with his white shirt and tie. He explained, “It’s NBA All-Star Weekend and I have to rep my squad – especially after Gobert and Spida got disrespected like that in the draft.” Reactions varied among the members … Continue reading Elder Bednar wears Utah Jazz sweatpants during meeting
