The United States government has declared that the Fourth of July will now be the Third of July, coinciding with Hamilton’s release on Disney Plus. “I’m glad we’re recognizing the relation between Independence Day and the availability of Hamilton,” said A.J. Hamilton (no relation). “We’re about to experience freedom like never before.” Noting that “history has its eyes on [the U.S. government],” the move to … Continue reading Government Changes Independence Day to the Third of July in Honor of “Hamilton”

According to latest reporting it appears that an AR-15 has won the Republican nomination for Governor of Utah. There is no historical precedent for inanimate objects running for governor, but that didn’t stop voters from choosing the Armalite firearm in overwhelming numbers. Election officials are as surprised as anyone at this development. “It’s never really happened this way before, but we’re very sure that we’ve … Continue reading AR-15 Unexpectedly Wins Utah Governor Republican Primary