Students were delighted on Tuesday morning when Grifols sent out a text message to all current plasma donors offering a special bonus. The offer, only valid on that day, included a free can of caffeinated soda to those who donated. 

Grifols also announced that for every pint of plasma received, the company would convince an undecided voter to vote for Bernie Sanders in the presidential primary elections. 

When the plasma center on 900 East opened at 6 a.m., a line of eager college students had already formed. The center reached capacity almost immediately, and more phlebotomists were called in from as far away as Ogden to help meet the demands of the growing crowd. Plasmapheresis machines were transported in and a temporary plasma center was set up in the parking lot of Durfey Extra Care Dry Cleaners next door. 

In response to the surge of plasma donations, Grifols coordinated with the city of Provo to reroute UVX buses to shuttle donors to Utah Valley Hospital, where they could recover.

According to an inside source, the average donor arriving at the hospital from Grifols’ Super Tuesday event had donated between 70% and 75% of the plasma in their bodies. 

BYU’s Political Science Department has asked to comment, but The Alternate Universe declined to respond.