For the first time since 1886, famous groundhog Punxsutawney Phil Canon was unable to participate in Groundhog Day. Afflicted with a case of COVID-19, Phil is currently quarantining in his hibernation burrow.

Moved with compassion for his fellow mammal and long time friend, beloved BYU mascot Cosmo the Cougar stepped in to fill his place. Around 7:30am, live video footage was captured of Cosmo emerging from a hole he dug in the ground. As Cosmo looked around, he quickly recoiled in fear of his own shadow, devastating viewers around the world. Cosmo seeing his shadow predicts that the COVID-19 pandemic will last 6 more years.

“That’s it, I’m becoming a nun”, says Jessica Waters, single senior at BYU. “There’s no point in trying to date anymore”. She isn’t the only one deeply dismayed by the prediction of a prolonged pandemic. It’s official: dating, recreation, travel, and educational opportunities alike will come with restrictions for at least the next six years.

“There goes my dream of ever seeing the Beach Boys in concert. They’re definitely not going to last six more years,” says Connor Wright, BYU sophomore and Beach Boys superfan.

Randall Grant, a student in the biology education program, claims he “knew it along. Right after COVID-19 will come COVID-20, and COVID-21 and COVID-22, etc. That’s just logic.”

With Cosmo’s crushing prediction already making international headlines, spirits have plunged worldwide. In the midst of so much discouragement, Rochelle Walensky, director of the Center for Disease Control, says that Cosmo’s prediction “has no scientific premise” and that Groundhog Day is merely “folklore”.

Further investigation would be needed to decipher exactly what Walensky meant by her comments. For now, Walensky faces accusations of hate speech against Cosmo the Cougar and his reputation of honesty.