For years, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints have wondered at the Apostles’ unexplained use of initials. What is D. Todd Christofferson trying to hide? What doesn’t Gerrit W. Gong want us to know? Does Russell M. Nelson not want us to know something? Finally, the truth has come out.

Classified documents have been leaked to the Alternate Universe revealing the true full names of the Apostles. The documents, reportedly found in President Nelson’s garage, were marked classified and appeared to have been intentionally hidden from the public. It is unclear whether this revelation will impact members’ trust in the Church’s transparency.

Following is a list of the full names of the LDS Apostles. Viewer discretion is advised:

Russell Maverick Nelson

Dallin Hermione Oaks

Henry Beavis Eyring

Muhammad Russell Ballard

Jeffrey Rachel Holland

Dieter Fu-Manchu Uchtdorf

David Adolf Bednar

Quentin LaFawnduh Cook

Denzel Todd Christofferson

Neil Lightning Anderson

Ronald Angelica Rasband

Gary Elmo Stevenson

Dale Gaylord Renlund

Gerrit Wu-Tang Gong

Ulisses Soares

These revelations have shaken the LDS community to its core. Can a religion of millions be led by a man named Maverick? Can revelation truly come from a guy named Angelica? Can an Elmo lead the children of God? Only time will tell.