Every year on November 11th, our country celebrates the sacrifices made by the brave members of our military. The Purple Heart award is traditionally given to men and women who have gone above and beyond in their duties, suffering injury or even death in the line of service. This year, the US Military unveiled a new medal: The Purple Broken Heart. This solemn distinction is given to those who remain unmarried despite their best efforts. “Unsuccessful dating may be a different kind of battle, but is a violent and bloody battle nonetheless,” says a representative from the Department of Defense. 

The first Purple Broken Heart was awarded to Tyler Robinson, a thirty year old BYU student pursuing a PhD in biochemistry. Tyler has tried it all: Mutual, Hinge, game nights, spikeball at King Henry. The last six girls he took to the Creamery were married within a year. “Getting chosen for the award is an honor,” the dating veteran says. “But I’m also really glad I can now prove to my relatives at Thanksgiving that I’m trying.” 

Those close to Tyler wholeheartedly agree with the US Military’s selection. “You know that quote that’s like, ‘It’s not about how many times you fall down, it’s how many times you get back up again?’ That’s Tyler. Strongest guy I know” says Jack Christensen, Tyler’s former roommate who was married last fall. “You have to admire his dedication,” says Pete Young, Tyler’s current roommate. “I think he’s spent thousands at Classic Skate and the WILK bowling alley.”

“My hope is receding faster than my hairline, but I’m not going to give up,” Tyler says as he looks wistfully towards the McKay building, where he spends his afternoons hoping to hit it off with a cute elementary ed major. “I might not know what I’m doing with my PhD, but I do know that I can’t handle going to a mid singles ward.”

We encourage all of our devoted readers to reach out to the dating veterans in their lives today. God bless our troops.