Author: Anya Forger

Campus, Life

Girl Vocal Point Collaborates with JoJo Siwa, Horrifies Thousands

Tired of being referred to as “girl Vocal Point,” a cappella ensemble Noteworthy was desperate for a rebrand. The group decided to collaborate with former Dance Moms star JoJo Siwa to add a touch of edginess to their persona. However, their medley of JoJo’s single “Karma” and Frozen’s “Let it Go” left onlookers more alarmed than awestruck.  “I’m going to be honest. When I heard … Continue reading Girl Vocal Point Collaborates with JoJo Siwa, Horrifies Thousands

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Life, News

Yum! Sodalicious Releases Eight Exciting New Drinks

You’ve heard of the NCMO, the 2nd Wife, and the Civil Marriage. Get ready for the eight latest beverage concoctions from everyone’s favorite soda chain! COCONUT CONCUBINE: Water from King Henry’s hot tub with raspberry and coconut cream. THE SWEATY VELOUR: White Monster infused with Blink-182 covers and a mentally ill bass player. DISFELLOWSHIPPED: 7-Up with strawberry and a disciplinary vibe check. TUNNEL SINGING GROPE: … Continue reading Yum! Sodalicious Releases Eight Exciting New Drinks

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Campus, Featured, News

Sales Recruiter Trained by Bene Gesserit Has a Profitable Afternoon

It’s that time of year. Summer sales recruiters are descending on the Cougareat like a plague of charismatic locusts. One Vivint rep has been staggeringly successful. In a single day, Brosh Duncan managed to convince two thousand freshmen to spend their summers hawking solar panels. “There’s something really believable about Brosh,” says Tyler Bowman, a recent recruit. “He’s such a cool guy!” However, there’s more … Continue reading Sales Recruiter Trained by Bene Gesserit Has a Profitable Afternoon

Anya Forger
Featured, News, Sports

Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

The Super Bowl presents a unique temptation to break the Sabbath. After years of watching faithful young adults wander down the path of destruction, Bishop Belnap of the Provo 675th ward knew that something had to be done.  “Clearly, the temptation of watching the Super Bowl on the Sabbath is just too much for them to handle,” Bishop Belnap says. “I felt inspired to simply … Continue reading Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

Anya Forger
News

Lonely Man Brings Back Scratcher to Sacrament Meeting

The back scratching phenomenon is one of the most fascinating nuances of Utah’s unique cultural landscape. Walk into any YSA sacrament meeting and you’ll see dozens of young women scratching their boyfriend’s backs. Is this a show of affection? Are they marking their territory? Are half the men in Provo plagued with some mysterious itchy rash? Driven by curiosity, one lonely young man decided to … Continue reading Lonely Man Brings Back Scratcher to Sacrament Meeting

Anya Forger