You’ve heard of the NCMO, the 2nd Wife, and the Civil Marriage. Get ready for the eight latest beverage concoctions from everyone’s favorite soda chain!

COCONUT CONCUBINE: Water from King Henry’s hot tub with raspberry and coconut cream.

THE SWEATY VELOUR: White Monster infused with Blink-182 covers and a mentally ill bass player.

DISFELLOWSHIPPED: 7-Up with strawberry and a disciplinary vibe check.

TUNNEL SINGING GROPE: Coke with grape, lime, and a text to the ward executive secretary. (OR: “and an unwelcome surprise”)

TANKINI MALFUNCTION: Diet Dr. Pepper with vanilla, a maraschino cherry, and shame.

DIET BEACH SLUT: Sugar free Red Bull with peach, cranberry, and a UTI.

TROPICAL TWIN BED: Mountain Dew with passionfruit and your roommate’s mom.

DURFING DELIGHT: Coke Zero with zero regrets.