It’s that time of year. Summer sales recruiters are descending on the Cougareat like a plague of charismatic locusts. One Vivint rep has been staggeringly successful. In a single day, Brosh Duncan managed to convince two thousand freshmen to spend their summers hawking solar panels.

“There’s something really believable about Brosh,” says Tyler Bowman, a recent recruit. “He’s such a cool guy!”

However, there’s more behind Brosh’s success than his charming personality and perfectly maintained mullet. 

“Vivint hosted this awesome training retreat last week,” says an enthusiastic Brosh. “There was a super creepy old lady with a weird hat there, but her advice was pretty based. It turns out the strat is all in how you say things. She seemed pretty surprised at how good I was.”

The creepy old lady was the Reverend Mother, leader of the Bene Gesserit. It appears that Brosh does not know that he has been trained in mystical powers of persuasion. 

“He just barked, ‘SALES’ at me over katsu chicken in the Cougareat,” says Mikey Jones. “I can’t wait to make six figures this summer!”

Ethical concerns aside, the Vivint rep has never been happier.

“They say that if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. That’s definitely me right now.” says Brosh. “Anyways, I’d better go. I’m going to go watch that new Timothee Chevrolet movie. I hear it’s pretty good.”