New school year, new you–and new mortifyingly awkward encounters with your former lovers. Because avoidance is more effective than therapy, take some time to organize your escape plan.
- Stick to Buildings Where Your Ex Definitely Won’t Be.
Hang around highbrow sanctuaries such as the MOA or the Kennedy Center, where only enlightened souls roam—not people who still owe you closure. - Wear a Disguise While in the Library
We all know that the main floor of the HBLL is the riskiest location for a chance encounter. Steal a gorilla costume if you can get your hands on one; otherwise, invest in a wig or two, and maybe a mustache while you’re at it. - Hide in the Bathroom
Take shelter in the nearest bathroom. One minute before your class starts, hold your breath and sprint to your seat. Avoid making any eye contact with anyone while you run.
- Learn How to Vanish Into Thin Air
Consider investing in a cloak of invisibility. We hear they are on sale at the BYU bookstore. - Move Out of the Country.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you can’t escape the gravitational pull of your old flames, simply book a flight to Dubai and lay low for a little while.