Tag: BYU

Featured, News, Provo

BYU student lights mountain on fire after misunderstanding old conference talk

In the wake of the various fourth of July bush fires seen over the weekend, President Monson’s popular 2013 talk about starting a wild fire has been deemed the primary cause BYU student Bernie Burns was brought into custody early on July 6th after coming forth as the culprit of one of many fires started over the holiday weekend. The fires came as a shock … Continue reading BYU student lights mountain on fire after misunderstanding old conference talk

Frank HeffleyLeave a comment
Dear Alternate Universe, Featured

Dear Alternate Universe: What should I do if I’m gay and have to set foot on BYU?

Dear Follower, Take up the gay man’s burden. You are Prometheus bestowing fire upon humanity. You are the liberator of the prisoners who know only shadows on the cavern wall. You are bringing gay to a world almost entirely unfamiliar with it. That said, you’re not as alone as you might think. You’re joining the ranks of world-famous queer icons like Cosma the Bisexual Cougar, … Continue reading Dear Alternate Universe: What should I do if I’m gay and have to set foot on BYU?

Don Cheadle
Campus

BYU Administrators Worry as High Gas Prices Lead to Surplus of Parking Spots

The war in Iran has been controversial, having adverse effects on many, and highly disapproved of by most politicians. However, it has had one surprising silver lining: due to high gas prices, there is an excess of parking spots at Brigham Young University. Economists expect that parking spots will remain plentiful into the fall semester, prompting administrators to remove parking spots throughout campus. “We plan … Continue reading BYU Administrators Worry as High Gas Prices Lead to Surplus of Parking Spots

Kayteigh Leigh
Campus

Loser with No Friends Studies on Reading Day

Local chump Sandra McCullough was caught using BYU’s Reading Day for studying rather than normal activities like hanging out with friends or having a life. “In all my years of working here, I’ve never seen someone actually study on Reading Day,” reported longtime librarian Susan Goodrich. “It’s really quite sad to see her be the first.” Observers noted being “weirded out” by seeing someone take … Continue reading Loser with No Friends Studies on Reading Day

Chuck Bartowski4 Comments
Dating, News

BYU to Build Brand New “Slut Asylum”

The rumors are true: BYU will be turning the Kimball basement into a slut asylum for all the impassioned boys and girls on campus. As journalists, we have made it our duty to answer your most pressing questions. How does one get into the Slut Asylum? -Kiss more than 3 people in your ward -Make out with someone for longer than 1 hour -Watch one … Continue reading BYU to Build Brand New “Slut Asylum”

Kim Possible1 Comment