Tag: BYU

Campus

Loser with No Friends Studies on Reading Day

Local chump Sandra McCullough was caught using BYU’s Reading Day for studying rather than normal activities like hanging out with friends or having a life. “In all my years of working here, I’ve never seen someone actually study on Reading Day,” reported longtime librarian Susan Goodrich. “It’s really quite sad to see her be the first.” Observers noted being “weirded out” by seeing someone take … Continue reading Loser with No Friends Studies on Reading Day

Chuck BartowskiLeave a comment
Dating, News

BYU to Build Brand New “Slut Asylum”

The rumors are true: BYU will be turning the Kimball basement into a slut asylum for all the impassioned boys and girls on campus. As journalists, we have made it our duty to answer your most pressing questions. How does one get into the Slut Asylum? -Kiss more than 3 people in your ward -Make out with someone for longer than 1 hour -Watch one … Continue reading BYU to Build Brand New “Slut Asylum”

Kim PossibleLeave a comment
Featured, News, Sports

HE’S COMING HOME: AJ Dybantsa Returns To BYU As Finance TA

In a shocking turn of events, AJ Dybantsa has forgone the NBA draft in favor of returning to BYU as a finance TA. Dybantsa posted the following on LinkedIn this morning: “My time at BYU is not done. NBA contracts might seem appealing, but I could make that money in a single summer selling pest control.” While many NBA fans mourn the decision, summer sales … Continue reading HE’S COMING HOME: AJ Dybantsa Returns To BYU As Finance TA

Frank HeffleyLeave a comment
Dating, Life

BYU Clarifies Honor Code to Allow “Beards” for Gay Students

In a beautiful display of consideration for the gay community at BYU, the HCO has updated the grooming standards to allow gay students to have a fake significant other of the opposite sex—otherwise known as a beard. “This whole time, I thought I wasn’t allowed to fake date my lesbian friend without a beard card,” said gay student John Gay. “I’m so glad we can … Continue reading BYU Clarifies Honor Code to Allow “Beards” for Gay Students

Don CheadleLeave a comment
Sports

Cosmo Tryout Requirements LEAKED! See What You’d Have to Do to Get This Coveted Role

The criteria for assuming the role of BYU’s beloved mascot is no joke. Here’s what you would have to do, ranked from easiest to most difficult.   Disarm a Bomb Fight an Cougar and Win Talk to a Woman Treat a Ute Fan With Respect Make a Fursona Be Between 5’9” and 6’   It’s a challenging job to fill, but fill it BYU must. … Continue reading Cosmo Tryout Requirements LEAKED! See What You’d Have to Do to Get This Coveted Role

MontresorLeave a comment