Dear Follower,

Take up the gay man’s burden. You are Prometheus bestowing fire upon humanity. You are the liberator of the prisoners who know only shadows on the cavern wall. You are bringing gay to a world almost entirely unfamiliar with it.

That said, you’re not as alone as you might think. You’re joining the ranks of world-famous queer icons like Cosma the Bisexual Cougar, gaY Mountain, and Ernest L. Wilkinson. By the time you’ve left campus, your name will be among theirs.

A few people may react negatively, but know that inside every homophobe is a smelly little goblin who writes degenerate thoughts on slips of paper and passes them to the brain. The goblin is attention-starved and balding. Research has shown this to be indisputably true. He smells like wet socks and shame.

Anyone who takes issue with your presence has their own issues to begin with. You are not the problem.

Go forth to serve.

Sincerely,

The Alternate Universe