50 WAYS TO SHUT OUT LIGHT

1. Gaslight a child.
2. Manipulate a loved one.
3. Overstimulate a friend.
4. Spit on an old person.
5. Stigmatize mental health.
6. Start a scandalous rumor about a loved one.
7. Fill a stranger’s gas tank with milk.
8. Make fun of someone’s birth mark.
9. Empty a friend’s inhaler.
10. Bankrupt a local business.
11. Ask a woman her weight.
12. Traffic an endangered species.
13. Talk over your grandma.
14. Rob a single mother.
15. Burn down a forest.
16. Poop in a neighbor’s shower.
17. Unlearn your second language.
18. Invest in Elon’s sperm.
19. Eat more red meat.
20. Waste water.
21. Raise prices on Ticketmaster.
22. Produce a Disney live-action sequel.
23. Steal blood bags from the hospital.
24. Tell someone their dog is ugly.
25. Turn your roommate’s alarm off.
26. Contribute to the Taking Machines locally or online.
27. Give an empty takeout bag to a homeless person.
28. Popularize a new body insecurity.
29. Start a new anime.
30. Support fast fashion.
31. Tell your girlfriend you wouldn’t love her if she was a worm.
32. Start biting.
33. Breed an invasive species.
34. Throw up in a McDonald’s play place.
35. Bark at a mailman.
36. Trauma dump on a stranger.
37. Convince your roommate she’s pregnant.
38. Tell no one you have hand-foot-and-mouth.
39. Shrink someone’s laundry in the dryer.
40. Burn a woman.
41. Remain ignorant.
42. Rage bait your grandpa.
43. Wake up hibernating animals.
44. Throw your snow into another driveway.
45. “Forget” to Venmo back.
46. Send a “no thank you” card.
47. Blackmail a professor.
48. Monopolize insulin.
49. Start a clique.
50. Follow the Daily Universe.