Another General Conference come and gone, and you only managed to watch one or two sessions, and might have paid attention for a total of 2.5 talks. It happens to us all. Here are some comments to drop into your conversations this week whenever asked about your thoughts on conference. Level 1: The Vague Redirection This is your best bet for exiting the … Continue reading One-Liners to Make it Seem Like You Watched Conference
Local store owners are optimistic that this brand refresh will appeal to their target audience in Provo. The Smith’s grocery store, located near central Provo, is getting a brand refresh after 38 years. Although the store has seen much success over the last few decades, Smith’s owners noticed sales slowing as competitors like Walmart and WinCo moved into the area. The solution for Grace Ryland, … Continue reading Provo Smith’s to Change Name to “Joseph Smith’s”
In a grotesque display of dishonesty and pride, local man Braxton Williams claimed over the pulpit during his testimony today to have watched every speaker in General Conference. During his testimony, which lasted 20 minutes, Braxton allegedly claimed, among other things, that he “enjoyed every single speaker last weekend,” a phrase which drew audible gasps from the congregation. “I knew he was lying when he … Continue reading Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting
Have you been telling your bishop the truth about your full tithing payments? Good news, you’ve been entered into a Church-wide raffle! Here’s what you might win. Tour of the Church’s Nuclear Bunker One sip of coffee no consequences FastPass Line Access for Salt Lake Temple Open House All Expenses Paid Vacation to Adam-ondi-Ahman Meet and Greet with Patrick Kearon Early Access to New … Continue reading President Oaks to Announce Winners of Raffle Instead of Temples
Hang up your ties and put down your scriptures because, ladies and gentlemen, you will never be as good as him. Best just put your dreams of celestial glory on the shelf :/ We know the gospel is all about second chances but YEESH. You’d have a lot to catch up on to beat this guy, and that’s just way too much work. Best keep … Continue reading Better Than You: This Guy Said “Ahmen” Instead of “Amen”
