Tag: Church

General Conference, Life, News

Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting

In a grotesque display of dishonesty and pride, local man Braxton Williams claimed over the pulpit during his testimony today to have watched every speaker in General Conference. During his testimony, which lasted 20 minutes, Braxton allegedly claimed, among other things, that he “enjoyed every single speaker last weekend,” a phrase which drew audible gasps from the congregation. “I knew he was lying when he … Continue reading Big Fat Liar Claims He Watched All of General Conference at Testimony Meeting

Chuck BartowskiLeave a comment
Featured, General Conference

President Oaks to Announce Winners of Raffle Instead of Temples

Have you been telling your bishop the truth about your full tithing payments? Good news, you’ve been entered into a Church-wide raffle! Here’s what you might win.   Tour of the Church’s Nuclear Bunker One sip of coffee no consequences FastPass Line Access for Salt Lake Temple Open House All Expenses Paid Vacation to Adam-ondi-Ahman Meet and Greet with Patrick Kearon Early Access to New … Continue reading President Oaks to Announce Winners of Raffle Instead of Temples

MontresorLeave a comment
Church, Featured

Better Than You: This Guy Said “Ahmen” Instead of “Amen”

Hang up your ties and put down your scriptures because, ladies and gentlemen, you will never be as good as him. Best just put your dreams of celestial glory on the shelf :/ We know the gospel is all about second chances but YEESH. You’d have a lot to catch up on to beat this guy, and that’s just way too much work. Best keep … Continue reading Better Than You: This Guy Said “Ahmen” Instead of “Amen”

Kim PossibleLeave a comment
Church, Featured

Campus in Spiritual Crisis! Sacrament Meeting Absences Skyrocket Due to Daylight Savings

Sacrament Meeting absences rose sharply this past Sunday due to the “Spring Forward” effect of Daylight Savings. Thousands of students showed up to church just in time for the second hour, much to their consternation. The back rows of several wards were filled to the brim with people who would leave as soon as the first speaker stood up. Andrew Leavitt, a student with 5pm … Continue reading Campus in Spiritual Crisis! Sacrament Meeting Absences Skyrocket Due to Daylight Savings

Montresor
Featured, Life, missionary

Self Help: How To Discreetly Tell Her That You Were AP

As we kick off 2026, your FHE crush is still completely unaware that you were an Assistant to the President on your mission, but never fear! Try these 6 tips to win her heart without losing the aloof persona you’ve spent all semester crafting. Consistently bring up how much time you spent in the office: This can be done as you do your marketing homework … Continue reading Self Help: How To Discreetly Tell Her That You Were AP

Frank Heffley