Did you know all people, ever, can generally be put into one of five boxes? After some investigative journalism, we at the Alternate Universe have consolidated all members of Married Student wards into these five categories.
Number 1: The Choir Couple
Every ward has at least one, but it’s more common to have 3-4 of these couples. If you’re lucky, the only way you’ll know you have a choir couple is their over-the-top singing of hymns. Despite ostensibly having musical expertise, they will be too in love with the sound of their own voice to stay in time or in tune with the rest of the congregation. Rest assured you will receive confirmation of their presence by being graced with a musical number at some point throughout the year. Be prepared to lock eyes over the pulpit as their dulcet tones ring through the chapel.
Number 2: The “How Are They Married?!” Couple
The most common archetype of this couple is a blindingly gorgeous woman with a meticulously styled outfit and a balding man with a paunch and a baggy suit. A gender-swapped version is generally present in each ward, though far less common.
Number 3: Family of Three Under Four
Since married student wards don’t have a Primary class, any four-year-old child will immediately exile a family from the married ward. That’s why it’s so surprising to see couples with three children in the married ward… and yet, so common?
Number 4: The Weirdly Old Couple
The descriptor “Married Student” ward begs the image of young college students who found love before graduation, and will surely be leaving the ward soon. And yet, there will always be a couple nearing or in their thirties who attends the married student ward. They gaze fondly upon the newlyweds, providing off-hand comments like “when I was on my mission in 2018” and “gosh, I remember our first apartment together in 2021”, not realizing how their age betrays their strangeness.
Number 5: The Spendthrifts
Again, the descriptor of “Married Student” suggests the utmost frugality, and yet some couples in the married ward manage to have a well-decorated, mold-free apartment, a shiny new SUV, designer clothing… the list goes on.