Author: Kit Kittredge

Featured, News, Sports

BYU Wins Game By Divine Intervention, Satan Congratulates Utah on “Valiant Effort”

The latest rendition of the Holy War, described by witnesses as “65% football, 35% miracle,” ended with Brigham Young University triumphing over the University of Utah this weekend, in what religious scholars and diehard fans are calling an “unmistakable act of divine intervention.” BYU running back LJ Martin credited the 24-21 victory to “a ton of grit, faith, and a few desperate sideline prayers.” He … Continue reading BYU Wins Game By Divine Intervention, Satan Congratulates Utah on “Valiant Effort”

Kit Kittredge
Featured, News, Sports

BREAKING: Third Bachmeier Brother Revealed to be UVU Student

Bear and Tiger Bachmeier have made waves on the BYU football team this year, with Bear being the first true freshman quarterback in the team’s history. However, in a recent revelation that has rocked fans across the state, sources can now confirm that Bear and Tiger Bachmeier, BYU’s apex predators of the gridiron, have another brother: Cougar Bachmeier, a UVU senior studying accounting. According to … Continue reading BREAKING: Third Bachmeier Brother Revealed to be UVU Student

Kit Kittredge
Featured, News, Provo

BYU Animation to Premiere New Film, “Acapella Demon Hunters”

Fresh off the heels of this summer’s hottest film, K-Pop Demon Hunters, the BYU Animation department is once again crafting their own take on the genre, with a clever twist. After last winter’s Inside Out BYU premiered to lukewarm reviews and “general confusion” (per The New York Times), executives at the university are confident that this film will be one that resonates with audiences. According … Continue reading BYU Animation to Premiere New Film, “Acapella Demon Hunters”

Kit Kittredge
Uncategorized

Swift, Kelce Engagement Sign of the Second Coming

For many years, members of the Church have endeavored to identify specific signs heralding the Second Coming, from lunar eclipses to unexpected earthquakes. Today, a major event occurred as specified in scripture: the engagement of Taylor Alison Swift and Travis Michael Kelce. This event is listed specifically in the standard works as a signal that the Millennium is at hand. See the following passages: Matthew … Continue reading Swift, Kelce Engagement Sign of the Second Coming

Kit Kittredge
Uncategorized

BREAKING: Cosmo the Cougar Elected Pope Cosmus II

Late on Thursday afternoon, blue smoke billowed from the chimney vent above the Vatican, breaking with centuries of the traditional black-or-white coloring. The crowds eagerly waiting in St. Peter’s Square were unsure how to react: some erupted in cheers, some broke down in tears, and many just scratched their heads in pure confusion. Onlookers around the Sistine Chapel waited on tenterhooks to see what this … Continue reading BREAKING: Cosmo the Cougar Elected Pope Cosmus II

Kit Kittredge