Author: Kit Kittredge

Uncategorized

BREAKING: Cosmo the Cougar Elected Pope Cosmus II

Late on Thursday afternoon, blue smoke billowed from the chimney vent above the Vatican, breaking with centuries of the traditional black-or-white coloring. The crowds eagerly waiting in St. Peter’s Square were unsure how to react: some erupted in cheers, some broke down in tears, and many just scratched their heads in pure confusion. Onlookers around the Sistine Chapel waited on tenterhooks to see what this … Continue reading BREAKING: Cosmo the Cougar Elected Pope Cosmus II

Kit Kittredge
Campus, Life

Helaman Halls Prank War Escalates, Hostages Taken

The tension started out small: a stolen couch here, a fire alarm pulled there. However, in recent days, open hostilities have broken out in Helaman Halls, resulting in multiple hostages taken from both buildings and metaphorical (and possibly literal) blood spilled. No peace agreement has, of yet, been brokered. “Those jerks in Merrill destroyed the pool table in the lobby!” Cole Lateral, high-ranking member of … Continue reading Helaman Halls Prank War Escalates, Hostages Taken

Kit Kittredge
Life

St. Patrick’s Day Rebranded to Celebrate Elder Kearon: “Patrick’s Day”

In late 2023, a new member of the Quorum of the Twelve was ordained: an Englishman who has quickly captured the minds, and especially the hearts, of many members of the Church. March 17th, a day that has traditionally celebrated the achievements of St. Patrick of Ireland, has been reworked this year to instead focus on a superior Patrick– namely, Patrick Kearon. “We felt that … Continue reading St. Patrick’s Day Rebranded to Celebrate Elder Kearon: “Patrick’s Day”

Kit Kittredge
Campus

Entire Campus Gets Duped By Mother Nature

After a week of 60-degree sunshine, Provo residents believed that winter was over and they could discard their gloves and long underwear and start playing spikeball again. Unfortunately, on Monday, Mother Nature struck with a frozen vengeance, confusing everyone. “This sucks,” says sophomore Jaxun Jackson. “I wore a t-shirt and shorts today and bam! It’s snowing. I mean, I probably would have worn that outfit … Continue reading Entire Campus Gets Duped By Mother Nature

Kit Kittredge