Author: Liz Lemon

Liz Lemon spends her days selling seashells by the seashore and her nights playing bass for the prestigious Fleetwood Mac cover band, Fleetwood Mac & Cheese. She believes news writing to be one of the many menial tasks necessary for the well being of the human race. She currently resides in Compton, CA with several of her pet rocks.
Life

LDS Church Announces List Of Temples To Be Destroyed

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints announced the beginning of the destruction of some of the less-frequently used temples in a press release on Monday morning. “It’s all due to budget cuts, ok? The plan is to destroy them, and then rebuild them as mobile temples just because of…you know…2020.” said a spokesperson for the Church. The announcement adds that no temple will … Continue reading LDS Church Announces List Of Temples To Be Destroyed

Liz Lemon
Life

BYU Finally #1 Party School In America!

After decades of sweeping throw-away award categories like “Most Sober” and “Best Value for Best Price”, Brigham Young University has finally received the honor of “#1 Party School” by the Princeton Review. This major upset is most likely due to COVID-19 and the resultant shift to online coursework, though experts would like to remind you that correlation is not causation. Other notorious party schools like … Continue reading BYU Finally #1 Party School In America!

Liz Lemon
News

New CDC Data Reveals Only 6% Of Egyptians Actually Died From Moses’ 10 Plagues

After reviewing some data in their spare time, officials at the Center for Disease Control have revealed some interesting results. According to the data and announcement, it seems as though most Egyptians had other preexisting conditions when afflicted by Moses’ 10 plagues. Most Egyptian citizens suffered from things like dysentery, tuberculosis and cholera in addition to locusts, boils, and the Angel of Death. CDC officials … Continue reading New CDC Data Reveals Only 6% Of Egyptians Actually Died From Moses’ 10 Plagues

Liz Lemon
Uncategorized

Kaufusi vetos mask mandate, wants to attend “just one more Provo rager” before the end of the world

Kaufusi vetos mask mandate, wants to attend “just one more Provo rager” before the end of the world After the Provo City Council unanimously passed on a mandatory mask law on Tuesday, Provo Mayor Michelle Kaufusi threatened to veto the ordinance. “Come on guys, I just really want to rage the Provo way: no masks, no alcohol, and no rules except those dictated by the … Continue reading Kaufusi vetos mask mandate, wants to attend “just one more Provo rager” before the end of the world

Liz Lemon
Life, News

“Be Thankful, At Least Tik Tok Is Still Here,” says Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in New Statement

As part of a series on messages of faith during COVID-19, Jeffrey R. Holland, a general authority of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, released a statement this morning. The statement reminds Church members to have hope and faith in unprecedented times. The central message of the thought was on gratitude, noting that the Saints should focus on the things they are grateful … Continue reading “Be Thankful, At Least Tik Tok Is Still Here,” says Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in New Statement

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