Category: Campus

Campus, News

BYU to Install Local Bridge Troll as Official Y Mountain Guardian

Following a policy update announced Monday, BYU students and faculty will no longer be allowed to protest on university-owned areas of Y mountain. This updated policy undoubtedly comes from the “Rainbow Y” demonstration seen last semester in support of LGBTQ+ students. But now there is only one question that remains: Who is Chemish? In an unexpected play, BYU has additionally announced a local bridge troll … Continue reading BYU to Install Local Bridge Troll as Official Y Mountain Guardian

Sue Sylvester
Campus, News

BYU: Center of the Cosmoverse?

Early Friday morning BYU awoke to a strange sight: multiple versions of Cosmo spotted around campus. So far there have been reports of six or seven different Cosmos, and The Alternate Universe has even managed to capture pictures of five variations which we have included below. U of U Cosmo: Spotted near the Brigham Young statue, this Cosmo was making the U of U hand … Continue reading BYU: Center of the Cosmoverse?

Sister Michael
Campus, Featured

BYU student dies after purposely contracting leprosy to “stand apart from the COVID crowd”

“This is why I flooded the Earth guys…Do I need to do it again?” – God, probably Just like the guy who doesn’t realize the party has ended and as clearly overstayed his welcome, COVID has once again run rampant across the United States. The new Omicron variant has revived COVID from the ashes and now it has its eyes set on infecting every single person … Continue reading BYU student dies after purposely contracting leprosy to “stand apart from the COVID crowd”

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured

Friend-Zoned Student Confused When Crush Posts She is Getting Married to her “Best-Friend”

When Trevor Rump finally mustered up the courage to ask out the girl he’d been staring at in the Cougareat for the last five minutes, he thought nothing could go wrong. He walked up to her, leaned against the table, and started spitting game he had been practicing in the mirror since his mission. He failed miserably. “You seem really nice but I think it … Continue reading Friend-Zoned Student Confused When Crush Posts She is Getting Married to her “Best-Friend”

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, News

BYU Student Kills New Roommate Thought Intruder

Happy first week of the semester Cougars. Have you counted your blessings recently? Because if you thought your syllabi were hard, try getting killed before you even have the opportunity to drop the class. That’s right, only one week into the new year and BYU already mourns the first murder of the semester.  We must not that for legal reasons we cannot disclose the apartment … Continue reading BYU Student Kills New Roommate Thought Intruder

Sue Sylvester