Last night, a reporter for the Alternate Universe was engaging in a late-night wander of campus, pondering finals and considering an existential crisis when they saw something cross the sky. Was it a bird, a plane? Had Cosmo learned to fly? No, none of the above. After a thorough investigation, the object was confirmed to be none other than Santa’s sleigh. As the sleigh passed … Continue reading Leaked: Santa’s Christmas List
On a Black Friday like no other, the BYU Store has sold all of its merchandise within five hours. The frenzy started minutes after the BYU Store opened its doors to the public with customers pouring in left and right, buying t-shirts and key chains like there was no tomorrow. The last items to go were the chocolate-covered cinnamon bears. Tyler Bronson, a customer and … Continue reading BYU Store Out of Stock Five Hours into Black Friday
When you lose someone you love, you gain an angel that you know. “If it had been anywhere else in the library, things might have turned out different. However, lamenting about what could have been won’t bring Chase back home to his family for Thanksgiving,” says Officer Simmons on the scene of the tragedy. Things were quiet late Friday afternoon in the reading room on … Continue reading Student Dies of Embarrassment After Accidentally Playing Song Aloud for 3 seconds in Quiet Part of Library
BYU faced criticism over the weekend when a student group drew attention to the barefoot statue of the famous cougar seated on a bench in the BYU store. The activists are demanding that the statue’s bare feet, which include intricately carved toes, be covered. “Look it would be one thing if it looked like the costume, but we are talking about human-like feet on display … Continue reading Activists Demand BYU Put Socks on WILK Cosmo Statue
Historically, Fraternities and Sororities are not something that BYU gladly accepts at their school. But the minute you get some approval-seeking males involved, you’ve caught their attention. For the first time in the school’s history, BYU is allowing a fraternity to be officially recognized as a legitimate organization. But trust us, this is not your typical degenerate fraternity. “Beta Beta Beta” is a fraternity focused … Continue reading Local BYU Simps Create First Ever Fraternity, fittingly named “Beta Beta Beta”
