Category: Campus

Campus, Featured

Student wakes up just in time for finals after hitting snooze button on first day of classes

We all fall victim to the notorious snooze bottom every once and awhile. Some of us, a little too often. One student decided to press his luck a little too far. On the first day of classes, Denzel Von Shrouttenbottom was woken up abruptly for his 7:00 am yoga class by his alarm. The sweet sound of “Welcome to the Black Parade” by My Chemical … Continue reading Student wakes up just in time for finals after hitting snooze button on first day of classes

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, News, President Worthen

President Worthen Gets Tongue Stuck on Frozen Pole

For many, the season’s first snowfall was a welcome surprise on the last day of classes. From the square, students can be seen building snowmen, making snow angels, and catching snowflakes on the tips of their tongues. While much of campus is a serene winter wonderland, not everyone is enjoying the chillier weather. The Alternate Universe is currently live at an intense scene outside the … Continue reading President Worthen Gets Tongue Stuck on Frozen Pole

Lisa Simpson
Campus

BYU Professor Spends Final Class of the Semester Telling His Students They are “Terrible” and “Will Never Succeed”

After wrapping up the last of class business in the first 15 minutes of the lecture, Dr. Joe Jorgenson reportedly got very serious and said he had some parting thoughts for the students in his PSYCH 310 class.  Rhea Zollinger, one of the students, said that she thought that his parting thoughts would be “inspirational” or offer some advice going forward in her academic career. … Continue reading BYU Professor Spends Final Class of the Semester Telling His Students They are “Terrible” and “Will Never Succeed”

Albert Camus
Campus, News

Leaked: Santa’s Christmas List

Last night, a reporter for the Alternate Universe was engaging in a late-night wander of campus, pondering finals and considering an existential crisis when they saw something cross the sky. Was it a bird, a plane? Had Cosmo learned to fly? No, none of the above. After a thorough investigation, the object was confirmed to be none other than Santa’s sleigh. As the sleigh passed … Continue reading Leaked: Santa’s Christmas List

Carmen Sandeigo
Campus

BYU Store Out of Stock Five Hours into Black Friday

On a Black Friday like no other, the BYU Store has sold all of its merchandise within five hours. The frenzy started minutes after the BYU Store opened its doors to the public with customers pouring in left and right, buying t-shirts and key chains like there was no tomorrow. The last items to go were the chocolate-covered cinnamon bears. Tyler Bronson, a customer and … Continue reading BYU Store Out of Stock Five Hours into Black Friday

Sister Michael